Singapore Jokes / Recent Jokes
Top Ten List for 4/25/1994
You'll never sit down again!
Singapore - spanking clean!
Singapore - it's canerific!
Yeeeeee-ouuuuuuch!
We'll spray-paint any car for $99.95!
Give us a week and we'll take off the flesh!
Drop your pants, round-eyes!
You can bet your ass you'll have fun!
Bend over!
Brian Peek
Owner of Late Show with David Letterman Top Ten List Listserv
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"Them special effects is fantastic." -Dave Letterman
Top Ten List for 4/25/1994
You'll never sit down again!
Singapore - spanking clean!
Dr M has great difficulty trying to find solutions to his country's economic and currency problems. He knows his brain isn't working well now. So he decides to go to the United States to have a brain transplant. He thought that with a new brain, he can think better and can find better solutions to the problems. The neurosurgeon asked Dr M if he wanted a cheap brain or an expensive one. Cheap brains are Singapore brains while the expensive ones are Malaysian brains. Dr M was simply overjoyed. He could not stop laughing. He said' At last, we have something more valuable than they have!' While smiling from ear to ear, and out of curiosity, he asked the neurosurgeon,' but why are Singapore brains so cheap and Malaysian brains so expensive?' The neurosurgeon replied' Oh, its very simple. These Singaporeans really overused their brains. They don't just plan 1 or 5 years ahead. They plan a generation ahead. Malaysians, on the other hand, hardly use their brains. These brains are virtually more...
Singapore and Malaysia have a different philosophies of life. This becomes apparent when we compare the two countries' Rules of Simple Living. Singapore: 1 - One Wife
2 - Two Children
3 - Three Bedroom Condo
4 - Four Wheels
5 - Five Figure Salary And indeed, that is why' Singapore is solid'! Malaysia? Well, Malaysia's Rules of Simple Living are the following: 5 - Five Children
4 - Four Wives
3 - Three Figure Salary
2 - Two Wheels
1 - One-Story Link House...
Two Malaysian mats are walking along Boon Lay Road when they see a sign which reads:' Suits $5. 00 each, shirts $2. 00 each, trousers $2. 50 per pair'. Ali says to his pal, "Gerek, sial! We could buy a whole lot and when we get back to Johor, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you diam-diam, okay? Just let me do all the talking' cause if they hear our accent they might not serve us. I'll speak in my best Singapore accent." They go in and Ali orders 50 suits at 5. 00 each, 100 shirts at 2. 00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2. 50 each. The owner of the shop says, "You're from Malaysia, aren't you?" "Oh,. .. yes," says a surprised Ali. "How come you know that?" The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaners."
Top 10 reasons why there are no sex scandals in Singapore... 10. Can't even be naked in own home, how to have sex?
9. Ah Lians don't exactly turn our leaders on.
8. Our leaders are cloned; no need for sex.
7. Hotels in Geylang no longer allowed to rent out rooms by the hour.
6. Sex not one of the 5 C's.
5. Oral sex still illegal in Singapore.
4. SPGs only go for foreigners.
3. Kiasee - don't want to get AIDS
2. Amended Women's Charter can bankrupt adulterous men.
1. And the number one reason why there are no sex scandals... Still confused over condoms and condos.
Last night, an incident took place at Boat Quay. What happened was some idiot was trying to show off and declared that he would swim across the Singapore River. He jumped in and started swimming. But before he could reach the halfway mark, he started to panic and started to shout for help. Being typical Singaporeans, a crowd started to gather to watch and yet no attempt was made by anybody to save that poor chap. Suddenly there was a splash and the crowd turned to see a guy doing what seemed like a desperate attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear that this hero couldn't swim! Luckily a tongkang filled with tourists was passing by and the operator saw the incident and picked both men from the water. The crowd cheered! Back on shore, the crowd cheered again as the hero stepped off the tongkang. "Steady Lah! " and "Awright, man! " were among the many congratulations shouted. The hero looked angry and shouted "Ka ni na! Siang too wa loh chui?" more...