Singapore Jokes / Recent Jokes

When Mahathir was visiting Singapore, PM Goh though he'd show the M'sian Premier Singapore's Telecommunication capabilities. As the M'sian entourage was touring SingTel's corporate HQ, being shown all it's new telecom technology, Dr. M noticed a strange telephone sitting in one corner of the room. Walking over, he found the phone glowed dark red, and had weird occultic symbols where numbers ought to be.

He turned to ask the SingTel representative what it was. The rep stiffened momentarily, then answered,' It's a hotline to hell, Dr Mahathir.' Curious, Dr M wanted to give it a try. Picking up the handset, he heard a rumbling demonic voice,' Please deposit S$10, 000 for the first minute.' When Dr. M returned home, he called up the Minister responsible for telecommunications and told him of his discovery.

The minister then said,' Oh, we have that too, sir. We just don't like to talk about it.'' Let me see it.' said Dr. M. So the minister brought Dr M. to see the more...

Circuit takes a flight to Singapore and he is seated next to an Englishman. Circuit open his tiffin and serves himself a roti.

ENGLISHMAN: What is this?

CIRCUIT: Bread India
Circuit then open the box of jalebi.

ENGLISHMAN: What is this?

CIRCUIT: Sweet India
With all the food he hogged on, Munna farts. The Englishman is offended and in shock asks …

ENGLISHMAN: What is that?

CIRCUIT: Air India

There was once LKY visited India. He was warmly welcomed by Gandhi, who took him to view many places in India. After sightseeing, LKY has this to say to Gandhi,' All the places I have visited in India are dirty, filthy and untidy. you should see how clean Singapore is!'
A month later, Gandhi made a visit to Singapore. LKY brought him to Compass Rose for dinner. Gandhi who was unhappy with LKY insult, tried to find some dirty places in Singapore to return the insult.
He took a pair of binoculars and look all around singapore to find a place which is dirty, but could find none. Finally, Gandhi after 10 mins of searching, saw a place which is very dirty and untidy.
He signaled to LKY and ask him to take a look. Gandhi said,' This particular place is extremely dirty and untidy. Can you tell me where it is?'
LKY took a look from the binos and said with a smile,' Oh, that is Little India.'

Your stomach growls when you don't eat rice for a day. You believe kecap ABC could turn bad cooking to gourmet food. You think our country is a democracy. You talk during a movie. You use a bucket instead of toilet paper in the bathroom. You eat fried rice in the morning. You prefer Versace or Moschino jeans over Gap or Levi's. You don't think Jim Carrey is funny. You think Onky Alexander is a hunk. You think Rhoma Irama is kampungan. You carry a 16 oz. jar of sambal to where ever you travel. Driving a car that is cheaper than $15, 000 embarrasses you. You think dangdut is stupid, but listen to it anyways, because you are homesick. You are willing to travel 25 miles to buy tahu and tempe. You are "Dreaming of a WARM Christmas". You are very good at avoiding potholes and other road hazards. Your local McDonald's serves rice and sambal. You think Supermi is a staple food. You have ever tried passing a Rp 50 coin as a quarter in a US vending machine/pay phone. You have ever more...

During the ASEAN meeting, all PM of the ASEAN countries were present except for Goh Chok Tong who was represented by LKY. During a conversation, Dr. Mahathir of Malaysia says, "I came up with a bright idea to produce Proton cars and with a initial investment of M$1 billion, we now make M$50 million a year. That is what I call Money Mind." Mr. Suharto of Indonesia says: "I am going to start a car manufacturing plant to produce our National car for only $500 million RP and it will generate $50 RP million a year. Isn't that smarter." LKY of Singapore was not impress and say, "I told my Land Transport Minister to spend SGD$500 to buy a old printing machine and also made SGD$50 million a year." Everybody was taken aback and asks "What the fuck can you do with just SGD$500 only? " And LKY replied "I use the machine to print COE! !!"