Pillow Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Sardar, a German and a Pakistani got
arrested consuming alcohol which
is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so
for the terrible crime they are
all sentenced 20 lashes each of the
whip.
As they were preparing for their
punishment, the Sheik announced:
"It's my first wife's birthday today,
and she has asked me to allow
each of you one wish before your
whipping."
The German was first in line, he thought
for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also led away whimpering loudly.
The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned more...

Once upon a time there was an elderly gentleman who was suffering from Alzheimer's. His wife of 40 years loved him very much, but she couldn't handle him any longer. He would wander about never knowing where he was or sometimes even who he was. She took him to a nursing home. At the nursing home, while the wife was filling out paperwork, a nurse had the gentleman sit in a chair. Suddenly the man starting slowly leaning to his left. The nurse ran over and put a pillow on his left side to prop him up. A few minutes later, he started leaning to his right. Again, the nurse ran over and put a pillow on his right side. Then he starting leaning forward. This time, the nurse strapped him into the chair. About this time, his wife, having completed the paperwork, walked up to him and asked, "How do you like the place?" "It's okay," he said. "But, they won't let me fart!"

One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets Saint Peter himself. Saint Peter says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know." The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Peter, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." Saint Peter stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven. Again, Saint Peter is there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have to run anymore?" Saint Peter says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new more...

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate
and says, "You`ve been a good cat all of these years.
Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."
The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor
family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.
" God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy
pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed
in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven.
God meets them at the gate with the same offer that,
He made the cat.
The mice said, "All our lives we`ve had to run.
We`ve been chased by cats, dogs and even women with
brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates,
we wouldn`t have to run anymore." God says,
"Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted
with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how
the cat is doing. The more...

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful - she had to sleep in cold back alleys, where there was no food and life was hard. God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way - but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on. The cat laid down upon the pillow and was happy. A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth. The earth was no better for them than it was the cat. They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people. God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them rollerskates. One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she was liking heaven. She explained that it was absolutely wonderful. The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that more...

There was once a pillow that thought it was as light as a feather. So then the pillow walked over to a University called the university of Irony.
Walking towards the main entrance, the pillow stared at the banner that declared the Univerities name in awe and suddenly began to laugh.
University students, teachers and random people crowded around the pillow to see why he was laughing, as he chortled and chuckled for three days and three nights without stopping.
By then most of the crowd had left except for the Principal of the University who was rather curious and had waited until the pillow had calmed down to find out what the big joke was.
“So.. What was so funny? ”
He asked the pillow curiously.
The pillow laughed and started giggling again.
“You spelled Irony wrong! ”

Betsy, a grammar-school teacher from Miami, remembers this Oscar-worthy birth tableau from one of her students.

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and experience a little public speaking. And it gives me a break and some guaranteed entertainment.

Usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very out-going kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a more...