Pillow Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Three men, a Scotsman, a Frenchman, and an Englishman were given a sentence of life inprisonment for manslauter in Saudi Arabia. When they got to the trial the judge said, "It is my daughter's birthday, so you will only be lashed 100 times."
    They went to the whipman and he said, "Today is my birthday, you may all have a wish"
    The Frenchman, who went firstm said, "I would like a pillow strapped to my back. "He got 33 painless lashes until the pillow broke. He then got hit 77 times on his back.
    The Scotsman asked for two pillows. He got 66 painless lashes until the pillows broke. Then got 34 whips on his back.
    The whipman said to the englishman, "England is a noble country, therefore you may have two wishes. The Englishman said,"Thank you, my first wish is to increase my number of whippings to the maximum 1000. My second wish is to have the frenchman strapped to my back."

    One day a cat died of natural causes and went to heaven. There he met the Lord Himself. The Lord said to the cat, "You have lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable please let me know." The cat thought for a moment and said, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stopped the cat and said, "Say no more" and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appeared. A few days later six mice were killed in a tragic farming accident and went to heaven. Again there was the Lord to greet them with the same offer. The mice answered, "Lord, all of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. We are tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?" Instantly the Lord fitted each mouse with a beautiful pair of roller skates. About a week later, the Lord stopped by to see the more...

    Once upon a time there was an elderly gentleman that was suffering from Alzheimer's. His wife of 40 years loved him very much, but she couldn't handle him any longer. He would wander about never knowing where he was or sometimes even who he was. She took him to a nursing home.
    At the nursing home, while the wife was filling out paperwork, a nurse had the gentleman sit in a chair.
    Suddenly the man starting slowly leaning to hisleft. The nurse ran over and put a pillow on his left side to prop him up.
    A few minutes later, he started leaning to his right. Again, the nurse ran over and put a pillow on his right side.
    Then he started leaning forward. This time, the nurse strapped him into the chair.
    About this time, his wife, having completed the paperwork, walked up to him and asked, "How do you like the place?"
    "It's okay," he said. "But, they won't let me fart."

    Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far eastern country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family.
    Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them are to recieve 50 lashes on the rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn't want to appear hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand, as long as it is able to be fulfilled.
    Mrs. Mueller is first. "What do you wish for yourself?"
    "I would like a pillow bound on my rear end before the lashings."
    "Okay, that shall be granted to you."
    Mrs. Mueller has the pillow bound to her rear end and receives her punishment. But because the pillow is too small and the executioner also hits her back a couple of times, she receives a few blows.
    Next it is Mueller's mother-in-law's more...

    Betsy, a grammar-school teacher from Miami, remembers this Oscar-worthy birth tableau from one of her students.

    I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

    When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and experience a little public speaking. And it gives me a break and some guaranteed entertainment.

    Usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

    Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very out-going kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a more...

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