Bags Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.
    Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob."
    Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful - the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. "All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems:
    First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."
    The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."
    She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about more...

    Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
    The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?""Sand," answered Juan.The guard says, "We'll just see about that get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.
    He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?""Sand," says Juan.The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the more...

    An elderly couple returns home from a night out on the town. The husband immediately starts to pack his bags. The wife asks, "Where are you going?"

    He replies,"I'm going to Bali."

    "Bali?" she asks, "Why Bali?" The man says, "Simple. Every time you make love there they give you ten dollars."

    The woman then immediately starts packing her bags. And her husband asks, "Where are you going?"

    "I'm going to Bali too."

    The husband questions why she is going. She replies, "I want to see how you are going to live on twenty dollars a year!"

    50 things to do at Walmart
    1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
    2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
    3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
    4. Start playing Calvin ball; see how many people you can get to join in.
    5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
    6. Challenge other customers to deuls with tubes of gift wrap.
    7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
    8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
    9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially down thin narrow aisles.
    10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
    11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volume up to 10!
    12. Play with the automatic more...

    A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you
    going?" he asked.
    "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men
    that will pay me $400 to do what I do for you for free!"
    The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags.
    "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed.
    "Going to Las Vegas
    with you... I want to see how you live on $800 a year!"

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