Bags Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it!
Get out of the car you scumbags!"
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat.
She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.
The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad more...

Manchester scientists have invented a plastic bag which
biodegrades when exposed to sunlight. Unfortunately
this means that in Manchester they are expected to
survive longer than ordinary plastic bags.

Tuan comes up to the border between Vietnam and China on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?" "Rice," answered Tuan. The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but rice. He detains Tuan overnight and has the rice analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure rice in the bags The guard releases Tuan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Rice," says Tuan. The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but rice. He gives the sand back to Tuan, and Tuan crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Tuan doesn't show up more...

One day a blonde, a brunette, and a red head were walking threw a corn field.The farmer saw them so he chased them with a pitchfork. They ran into a farm and hid in potatoe bags.The farmer poked the three bags the first bag said "Woof"(brunette)the second bag said "meow"(red head)and the third bag said "potatoes"(blonde)

One radio station prank took place on April Fool's Day. They announced that the phone company would be cleaning the dirt out of the phone lines that afternoon. They do this, it seems, by blowing air into the wires in the switching station. The problem is that the dirt comes out of the earpiece and mouthpiece of the telephone and could dirty the rugs or furniture in your house.
Consequently, the phone company asks that the good citizens please get plastic bags and put them over the handsets of the telephones to protect their belongings.
Stores reported a run on plastic bags, and the phone company made the radio station retract the original claim.

New Career
Moishe came home from work one day to find his wife, Yvonne, sitting on the front door step with her bags packed. Moishe asked her where she was going, and Yvonne replied, "I`m going to Las Vegas."
Moishe questioned her as to why she was going, and Yvonne told him "I just found out that I can make £1,000 a night doing what I give you for free." Moishe pondered that for a while, went into the house, packed his bags and returned to the front door and his wife.
Yvonne said, "And just where do you think you are going?"
Moishe replied, "I`m going, too."
"Why?" She asked.
Moishe said, "I want to see how you are going to live on £1,000 a year."

This guy runs home and bursts in yelling, "Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery!" She says, "Oh wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?" He replies, "I don't care... Just get the f**k out!"