Outfits Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before 2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits 3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits 4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait until After The Game 5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too. 6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His 7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First 8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking 9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging 10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire 11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up 12. Introduction to Parking 13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space 14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat 15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter 16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption 17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People 18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully 19. PMS: Your Problem. . .. Not His 20. Dancing: Why Men Don't more...
Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation. Wanting to make sure this would be a real vacation, they decided they wouldn't wear anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some very outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals and sunglasses.
The next morning, they dressed in their 'tourist' garb and went to the beach. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and scenery when a 'drop dead' gorgeous woman in a tiny bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn't keep themselves from staring. As she passed them, she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, and then continued on her way.
They were both stunned and couldn't understand how she could possibly recognize them as priests.
The following day, they returned to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. Outfits so loud you could hear them coming before you even more...
Barbie's Letter To Santa:
Dear Santa,
Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAY BACK TIME!
There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it).
So, here's my holiday wish list for 1998, Santa.
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL more...
Whitney Houston is set to auction hundreds of her famous stage outfits and accessories. The most valuable part of the outfits is the cocaine residue.
New from MATTEL: Administrative Barbie: Works twelve hour days for little pay (70% of Admin Ken's salary), and is the lowest on the totem pole despite being the one that actually runs the group. Comes with mini laptop and directions for the coffee machine. Pull the string on her back and she'll schedule a meeting with your other dolls, replace the toner cartridge in the laser printer, coordinate a re-org and a move, and order airline tickets for Admin Ken.
Temp Barbie: This smartly dressed, intelligent, hard-working and enthusiastic Barbie is ready to go right out of the box, but usually goes untouched for at least a day while everyone tries to figure out why they bought her. Pull the string on her back and she'll stuff envelopes indefinitely, all the while wondering why she got a liberal arts degree. Comes with mini resume and mini filing cabinet filled with the past five years worth of US Tax Code revisions which need to be collated.
Sister Mary Barbie: This more...