Nose Jokes / Recent Jokes

Clint was sitting in a bar having a drink and noticed that the barmaid was one hot looking babe. He slapped twenty bucks on the table and said to her, "I betcha I can keep an eye on this drink while I go to the bathroom."
Knowing the bathroom was around the corner, she accepted his bet.
He removed his glass eye, placed it beside the drink and went to the bathroom.
When he returned, he challenged, "I betcha I can bite my own nose."
She accepted his bet.
Clint took out his false teeth, nipped his nose and scooped up the money yet again.
"Okay, look," he said, "I'll give you a chance to win your money back. I betcha I can make love to you so tenderly that you won't even feel a thing."
Now this was one thing that she definitely knew about, so she accepted his bet.
Clint lifted her skirt and went to town.
"I can feel you," she said with a giggle.
"Oh, well," replied Clint, "you win more...

The Kiddie Pick
When you're by yourself and you uninhibitedly twist your forefinger into your nostril with childlike joy and freedom. And the best part is, there's no time limit!
Camouflaged Kiddie Pick
When, in the presence of other people, you wrap your forefinger in a tissue, then thrust it in deep and hold back the smile.
Fake Nose Scratch
When you make believe you've got an itch but you're really trolling the nostril edge for stray boogers.
Making A Meal Out Of It
You do it so furiously, and for so long, you're probably entitled to dessert.
Surprise Pickings
When a sneeze or laugh causes snot to come hurling out of your nose, and you have to gracefully clean it off your shirt.
Autopick
The kind you do in a car, when no one's looking.
Pick Your Brains
Done in private, this is the one where your finger goes in so far, it passes the septum.
Pick And Save
When you have to pick it quickly, just when someone looks away, and more...

A mother was having dinner with her two young children when her three year old daughter asked her why there were two holes in your nose.Her four year old son quickly responded with, "So you can still breath when you pick your nose!"

Editor's Note: We get so many yo momma jokes that I decided to group them. Keep checking back, this is likely to grow

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yo mama is so fat she said she wanted a water bed so she put a big blanket around the Pacifc ocean.

yo mama is so fat she sat on a dollar and out popped four quarters, she stepped on one of those quarters and a booger popped out of George Washington's nose

yo mama is so fat that the last time she saw 90210......was on the SCALE"

yo mama is so fat when her beeper goes off everyone thinks shes backing up."

yo mamma is so fat she is on both sides of the family.

yo mamma is so fat the only way she can fit throw the door is saying I got the power

yo mamma is so fat when she got hit by a bus she said who threw that rock."

yo mamma is so fat when she had on yellow raincoat people called taxi

yo mamma is so fat when she jumped into the ocean everyone more...

One day a little boy was sitting on santas lap.
Santa puts his finger on the boy nose and says, ”I bet you’re name is (spells out) J I M M Y. ” Jimmys eyes lit up in excitement.
Santa puts his finger on Jimmys nose and says, ”I bet you want a B I K E. ” Again Jimmy was surprised, then gets a wierd look on his face and says, ”Santa, I bet you like G I R L S. ”Santa says “Yes, how do you know? ”Jimmy says, ”Cuz you’re finger smells like P *** Y. ”

The following gems of wisdom were gleaned from test papers and essays from elementary, junior high, high school, and college students. As one teacher noted, "It is truly astonishing what weird stuff our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades!""H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water." "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube." "When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide." "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water." "There is no Nitrogen in Ireland because it is not found in a free state." "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars." "Blood flows down one leg and up the other." "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration." The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader." "Dew is more...

Some rednecks were sitting around talking about how smart their dogs were.
One redneck spoke up and said, "I'll tell you what boys, I house trained my hound dog Jake when he was just a pup. When he pooped on the floor, I would stick his nose in it and throw him out the door."
"Now," he continued, "when he poops on the floor, he sticks his own nose in it and jumps out the window."