Stare Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
    The two Americans just stare at him.
    "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries.
    The two continue to stare.
    "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?"
    Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
    The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language."
    "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."

    1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt. 2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you. 3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the darn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with. 6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again. 7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files. 9. Use Interactive more...

    The big list of fun stuff to do in that boring ol' courtroom of law...
    1. Bring a cell phone and order a pizza when the judge starts talking.
    2. Bring a zip-lock bag full of grapes and launch a few at the defendant when the judge isn't looking.
    3. Giggle uncontrollably when they show the evidence, if any blood is present.
    4. If they ever bring up the possibility of an accomplice, duck your head and quiver.
    5. Stand up and yell "OBJECTION!" to everything the judge says. EVERYTHING.
    6. If you're the defendant, wait until the judge starts talking about you. Proceed to hide under your table.
    7. If anybody attempts to communicate with you in any way, stare off into space and blow spit bubbles.
    8. Sing "The Song That Never Ends" incessantly.
    9. Get the judge to look at you. Lick your lips and motion that you'll "call him/her."
    10. Actually call him/her.
    11. Bring a kazoo.
    12. Act like you're doing something more...

    Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice? Cause it said concentrate.

    Hamlet's Cat's Soliloquy To go outside, and there perchance to stay Or to remain within: that is the question: Whether' tis better for a cat to suffer The cuffs and buffets of inclement weather That Nature rains on those who roam abroad, Or take a nap upon a scrap of carpet, And so by dozing melt the solid hours That clog the clock's bright gears with sullen time And stall the dinner bell. To sit, to stare Outdoors, and by a stare to seem to state A wish to venture forth without delay, Then when the portal's opened up, to stand As if transfixed by doubt. To prowl; to sleep; To choose not knowing when we may once more Our readmittance gain: aye, there's the hairball; For if a paw were shaped to turn a knob, Or work a lock or slip a window-catch, And going out and coming in were made As simple as the breaking of a bowl, What cat would bear the household's petty plagues, The cook's well-practiced kicks, the butler's broom, The infant's careless pokes, the tickled ears, The trampled tail, more...

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