Buttons Jokes

Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons

Good girls wax their floors
Bad girls wax their bikini line

Good girls blush during sex scenes in movies
Bad girls know they could do it better

Good girls wear white cotton panties
Bad girls don't wear any

Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls
Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls

Good girls pack their toothbrush
Bad girls pack their diaphragms

Good girls own only one credit card and rarely use it
Bad girls own only one bra and rarely use it

Good girls wear high heels to work
Bad girls wear high heels to bed

Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance
Bad girls think no place is the wrong place

Good girls prefer the missionary position
Bad girls do too, but only for more...

There was this guy who was on airplane, he had to go to the bathroom really bad.. Well everytime he would go to the bathroom someone was always in it.So he finally asked the flight attendant if he could use the ladies room.
She said, well sir I'm not sure if that would be a good idea, you see there are buttons in there.
He says, Oh please please I really have to go and I promise I won't push any buttons.
So she tells him go ahead, just don't push any buttons. So he goes in there he's sitting on the toilet doing his duty. Well he looks over and sees three buttons. One is yellow, one is red and one is green. He pushes the yellow button and out comes water and sprays his behind.He thinks "wow that felt good, I'll press the red button".So he pushes the red button and out comes a powder puff and dries him off and powders him.So then he pushes the green button.. He passes out and wakes up in hospital. He looks up at the flight attendant and she says "you pushed more...

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair.
They begin talking. After about five minutes, Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.
Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later, the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.
But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well.
"I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"
A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States more...

RELATIONSHIP BUTTONS

1. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

2. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

3. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

4. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!

GENERAL LIFE

5. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

6. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.

7. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

8. Do I look like a freakin' people person?

9. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

OFFICE BUTTONS

10. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

11. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

13. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

GREAT INSULT BUTTONS

14. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

15. You! Off my planet!

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your tissue to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, crash from side to side as if you're on rough seas.
7. Shave. (Especially if you're a woman.)
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask: "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol more...