Jewellery Jokes

Hi There!
You may prefer your girl friend to be like:
1) Alukkas Jewellery - "Ennum Oru Panathookam Munpil"
2) Sky Jewellery - "25 years of purity and trust"
3) Malabar Jewellery - "Where beauty meets Quality"
BUT NEVER BE LIKE:
4) Atlas Jewellery - "Jana kodikalude vishwastha stapanam"

Avoid all esoteric jewellery over ten pounds in weight - it attracts unwelcome attention from muggers, policemen, various supernatural creatures and can be and are downright dangerous during thunderstorms.
Avoid using coloured candles in rituals. I cannot stress this enough. Pastel-coloured candles in the shape of cute animals are like beacons to the weirdest demons.
Never make flippant remarks to a demon ("Hey, Belial, you look like hell, ha ha."). It may retort with its own brand of humour, like tearing your limbs apart.
Always keep your kit with you: candles, chalk, incense, silver knife, service revolver, garlic, taxi fare, condoms, and change.
When the Black Mass goes awry, stay away from the High Priest. Enraged demons always go for the pompous.
If a demon promises you untold riches in exchange for your body, ask for an advance - freeloading sex fiends abound.
If the entity you summoned offers you its soul in return for money, chances are that more...

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5. 0 to Husband 1. 0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the
flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5. 0.

In addition, Husband 1. 0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such
as Romance 9. 5 and Personal Attention 6. 5 and then installed
undesirable programs such as Return-Home- Early 4. 2.
Conversation 8. 0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes
the system. I've tried running Nagging 5. 3 to fix these problems, but to
no avail.

What can I do?
Signed, Desperate
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5. 0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1. 0 is an Operating System.
Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me. html" and try more...

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. and now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Desperate
***
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0. If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to more...