System Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Four people are in an airplane: the president, the smartest man in the world, an old man and a young girl. The plane catches on fire and there are only three parachutes. The president gets one and says, "My country needs me!" and jumps.
    The smartest man in the world grabs one and says, "Well, the world needs me, since I'm so smart," and jumps. One parachute left and the old man says, "You take it, my life is almost over anyway." The little girl says, "No. We both can jump." Confused, the man asks, "How?" The little girl says, "The smartest man in the world took my backpack."
    The Train Journey II "Four priests board a train for a long journey to a church council conference. Shortly into the trip one priest says, "Well, we've worked together for many years now, but we don't really know each other. I suggest we tell each other one of our sins to get better acquainted."
    They look nervously at one more...

    CAT v.6.1b: Completely Autonomous Tester, Manufactured by MOMCAT
    User Installation and Maintenance Documentation:
    Features:
    User Friendly
    Low Power CPU
    Self Portable Operation
    Dual Video and Audio Input
    Audio Output
    Auto Search Capability for Input Data
    Auto Search for Output Bin
    Auto Learn Program in ROM
    Instant Transition To Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
    Wide Operating Temperature Range
    Mouse Driven
    Self Cleaning
    Production Details:
    After basic KIT construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of
    onsite ROM programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are
    installed during this period. Since MOMCAT uses local suppliers,
    there may be a variation between individual units. Some of the
    units may not meet general standards. MOMCAT's quality assurance
    may reject inferior units. Users may sometimes salvage rejected
    units. Beware of Far East clones. These may violate more...

    •WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger
    •WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet
    •WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
    •WinErr: 004 Erronious error - Nothing is wrong
    •WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused
    •WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
    •WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadeqaute money spent on hardware
    •WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
    •WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happened
    •WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
    •WinErr: 00B Inadeqaute disk space - Free at least 50MB
    •WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More!
    •WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside
    •WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside
    •WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
    •WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our more...

    PCMCIA People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
    ISDN It Still Does Nothing
    APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
    SCSI System Can't See It
    DOS Defective Operating System
    BASIC Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
    IBM I Blame Microsoft
    DEC Do Expect Cuts
    CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
    OS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too.
    WWW World Wide Wait
    MACINTOSH Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
    PENTIUM Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of
    Mathematics
    COBOL Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
    AMIGA A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
    LISP Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
    MIPS Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
    WINDOWS Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
    GIRO Garbage In Rubbish Out
    MICROSOFT Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only (for)
    Fools (&) Teenagers.

    Humorous Computer-Related Acronyms

    IBM

    I Blame Microsoft

    Idiots Buy Me

    Idiots Building Machines

    I'll Buy Macintoshes

    It Bit Me

    It Built Microsoft

    It's Better Manually

    I've Been Mislead

    I've Been Mugged

    WINDOWS

    Well, It Never Does Operate With Speed

    When I Need Data Output Without Speed

    While Idle, Needs DX or WorkStation

    Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

    WIN

    Whoppingly Immense NOP

    Worm Infestation Netware

    MS-WINDOWS NT / WINDOWS NT

    My Solitaire With Its New De-accelerator, Only With Some Network Technology

    Well Intended, Netword De-accelerator, Only Works Sometimes, Never Totally

    WINDOWS (as a) Network Trojan

    Different Operating Systems Expectations

    Macintosh: What You See Is What You Get

    MS-DOS: You Asked more...

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