Tech Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. All of a sudden, the car broke down.

    The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke."

    The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."

    The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system."

    All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"

    The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."

    THOU SHALT NOT CALL TECH SUPPORT. They don't want to talk to you, period. No matter how difficult you think your problem is, the person who picks up the phone doesn't give a sh*t. At all.THOU SHALT NOT CALL TECH SUPPORT. I can't stress this enough. The answer to your piddly-ass problem is probably on the web or in a manual. Are you illiterate? (If you're reading this, the answer is "probably.")THOU SHALT REBOOT THY COMPUTER. According to recent poll that I just made up, 75% of all calls to tech support are solved by restarting the computer. This is the simplest, easiest way to keep from breaking the first two Commandments. SO FREAKING REBOOT OR I'LL RIP OUT YOUR SPLEEN AND REPLACE IT WITH A FLAMING BAG OF EXCREMENT.THOU SHALT NOT FORGET THY PASSWORD. Do you know your name? Your address? Forgetting your password is like pooping your pants. Crash helmets will be distributed at the end of class, and we're breaking into your house to replace all your silverware with plastic more...

    A guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
    Tech: What's the problem?
    User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
    Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
    User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
    Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
    User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup files and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
    Ten minutes later, the User is still adamant that they are right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
    Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
    User: I knew it!
    Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
    Ten minutes later.
    User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
    Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
    User: MS-DOS more...

    You Might Be Addicted to AOL if........ Tech Support calls "You" for help...... Someone at work tells you a joke and you say LOL..... You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other...... You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out"..... you have to get a second phone line just so you can call Domino's..... you've ever typed "drinking on AOL is better than drinking alone"..... you have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it..... you no longer type with proper punctuation, capitalization, or complete sentences..... you begin to say heh heh heh instead of laughing..... when someone says "What did you say?" you reply "Scroll up!"..... you sneak away to the computer in the middle of the night when your spouse is asleep...... you know more about your AOL friends daily routines than you do your own family's...... you lie to others about your time on-line and when they more...

    Customer: "Ive been doing risk analysis by hand for five years, and we finally got your program so we could do it automatically -- but theres a bug in it. The answers come out differently each time." Tech Support: "Sir, are you aware that our program uses Monte-Carlo analysis?" Customer: "Of course I am. Thats why I bought it." Tech Support: "Sir, do you know what Monte-Carlo analysis does?" Customer: "Dont get rude with me, of course I do." Tech Support: "Put briefly, sir, it runs through your project several times, throwing random delays in, and at the end it averages out the results." Customer: "I know all that -- what I want to know is why it keeps giving me different answers every time I run it."

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