Halloween Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What goes "Oob, oob!"
A: A witch in reverse.
Q: How do you make a milkshake?
A: You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"
Q: What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
A: She flies off the handle.
Q: Why do demons hang out with ghouls?
A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend.
Q: Why did the other kids have to let the vampire play baseball?
A: It was his bat.
Q: What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Put your boos and shocks on.
Mother vampire to son:
Hurry up and eat your breakfast before it clots.
Mommy, Mommy, the kids all call me a werewolf.
Never mind, dear, now go and comb your face.
Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to the other?
A: See you next month!
Q: Did you hear about the new ice cream for monsters?
A: It's called "Cookies and Scream."
Q: What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Christmas?
A: A ghoul Yule!
Q: Where do werewolves stay when they're on vacation?
A: At the Howliday Inn!
Q: Where does the Wolfman live?
A: In a werehouse!
Q: How do zombies celebrate Halloween?
A: They paint the town dead!
Q: What oinks amd drinks blood?
A: A hampire!
Q: Why are haunted houses so noisy in April?
A: That's when the ghosts do their spring screaming!
Q: What's orange on the inside and clear on the outside?
A: A pumpkin in a plastic bag!
Q: What does a vampire take for a cold?
A: Coffin syrup!
Q: Where do ghost ships like to cruise?
A: In the Scare-ibbean Sea!
Q: What European capital has the most ghosts?
A: Boodapest!
Q: What did the ghost serve at his Halloween party?
A: Hallowieners!
Q: What is a more...
Q: What would you get if you crossed a prehistoric creature with a witch?
A: A dino-sorceress!
Q: What did the little ghost eat for lunch?
A: A booloney sandwich!
Q: What do little monsters like to drink?
A: Ghoul-Aid!
Q: What do you call eyeglasses for a ghost?
A: Spooktacles!
Q: Where would you find the graves of famous English ghouls?
A: Westmonster Abbey!
Q: How did the bootician style the ghost's hair?
A: With a scare dryer!
Q: What did the dog say to the skeleton?
A: "I'd like to get to gnaw you."
Q: Why didn't the little monster go trick-or-treating?
A: He didn't have a costume.
Girl Monster 1: "I hear you've met the perfect guy."
Girl Monster 2: "Oh yes, he's a bad dream come true!"
Witch 1: "How do you manage to stay in shape?"
Witch 2: "I get a lot of hexercise."
Q: Is it good to drink witch's brew?
A: Yes, it's very more...
Halloween Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
10. She's a goblin!
9. I'd like to get a little something in the sack.
8. Let me see your bag. .. OH! - You're having a great night!
7. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
6. She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch
5. If you just lick it, it'll last longer.
4. Show me your JuJuBees and I'll let you see my Zagnuts.
3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth,
2. You scared me stiff!
1. He's got Candy spread out on the living room floor!
Q: What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Independence day?
A: The Fourth of Ghoul-ly!
Q: Why were the trick-or-treaters wearing grass skirts?
A: Because it was Hulaween!
Q: Where does a vampire keep his Easter candy?
A: In his Easter casket!
Q: How does a monster begin a fairy tale?
A: "Once upon a slime..."
Q: What's worse than a vampire with a toothache?
A: A skeleton with arthritis!
Q: What happened when the ghost disappeared in the fog?
A: He was mist.
Q: Where's the most dangerous place to go trick-or-treating?
A: On the psycho path!
Q: Did you hear about the really stupid horror movie?
A: It was shudder nonsense!
Q: Did you hear about the Egyptian monster who was a terrible driver?
A: He was a crash mummy!
Q: Did you hear about the starving vampire?
A: He was all gums!
Q: Why is it tough to compete against a vampire?
A: Because they're always out for more...
Top 10 Halloween Things That Sound Dirty...
10. She's a goblin!
9. I'd like to get a little something in the sack.
8. Let me see your bag....OH!-You're having a great night!
7. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
6. She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch
5. If you just lick it, it'll last longer.
4. Show me your JuJuBees and I'll let you see my Zagnuts.
3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth,
2. You scared me stiff!
1. He's got Candy spread out on the living room floor!