Halloween Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy was attending a masquerade Halloween Ball, and dancing with a girl who was wearing a map of Texas for a costume. Suddenly she slapped him hard and stalked off the dance floor." What the hell happened?" asked a friend who had witnessed the entire event." I'm not really sure." the man replied, rubbing his red cheek. "When she asked if I had ever been to Texas, I put my finger on Amarillo to show her, and she let me have it."

One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume party. All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce what there characters were.When one couple arrived he announced "Mickey and Minnie Mouse".As the next couple arrived he announced "Tarzan and Jane" and so on as each guest arrived.Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants but apart from that totally naked from head to toe."Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman. Having ascertained that the man was indeed an invited guest from the local university CS department The doorman asked "How shall I announce you?"The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation""I'm very sorry sir", said the doorman in obvious shock, "I cannot announce anything like that to such a gathering.""O.K." said the professor. "Just say I came in my pants"

I have come to the conclusion after seeing my neighbors decorate their houses for Halloween that Pumpkins are the angriest of all the vegetables

Chillout!!! Of all the Cururbita Cucubitaceae I know, your the most delicious...as a soup OR as a seasonal Ale!!

Q: How can you enter a haunted house?
A: With a skeleton key.
Q: How can you fatten up a ghost?
A: With ghoulash and spooketti.
Q: What is a ghost's favorite ride?
A: A roller ghoster.
Q: How can a witch tell the time?
A: By using a witch watch.
Q: What is bigger than a monster but lighter than a bird?
A: A monster's shadow.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a ghost with a black bird?
A: A scare-crow.

The Palace Mobile Home Trailer Park is a place that welcomes sex offenders. Ninety-five of these 200 residents are convicted sex offenders with ankle bracelets, including some pedophiles.

They also hold the record for buying the most Halloween candy.

Q: What do little ghosts drink?
A: Evaporated milk.
Q: Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
A: Because people are dying to get in.
Q: When do ghosts usually appear?
A: Just before someone screams.
Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?
A: "How do you boo, sir? How do you boo?"
Q: What's a ghost's favorite breakfast?
A: Ghost toasties with booberries.
Q: What's soft, moldy and flies?
A: A spoiled bat.
Q: What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran down his back?
A: "You're under a vest!"
Q: What happened to the monster that took the five o'clock train home?
A: He had to give it back.
Q: Why did the monster salute his vegetable soup?
A: He looked in his bowl and saw a kernel of corn.
Q: What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A: A dead ringer.
Q: What did Dracula say then he saw a giraffe for the first time?
A: I'd like more...

Q: Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
A: "Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares."
Q: Why do dragons sleep during the day?
A: So they can fight knights.
Q: Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
A: In a blood bank.
Q: How does a witch tell time?
A: She looks at her witch watch.
Q: Where can you see a real ugly monster?
A: In the mirror.
Q: When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
A: When you're a mouse.
Q: Why did the monster eat the caboose?
A: The locomotive told him to "Choo, choo."
Q: What's the best place for a mirror?
A: In a graveyard. It can double your mummy.
Q: What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A: A holy terror.