Fifth Jokes / Recent Jokes

Accent: An unusual manner of pronunciation, e. g. "Y`all sang that real good!"

Accidentals: Wrong notes

Ad Libitum: A premiere.

Agitato: A string player`s state of mind when a peg slips in the middle of a piece.

Agnus dei: A famous female church composer.

Allegro: Leg fertilizer.

Altered Chord: A sonority that has been spayed.

Atonality: Disease that many modern composers suffer from. The most prominent symptom is the patient`s lacking ability to make decisions.

Augmented fifth: A 36-ounce bottle.

Bar Line: A gathering of people, usually among which may be found a musician or two.

Beat: What music students to do each other with their musical instruments. The down beat is performed on the top of the head, while the up beat is struck under the chin.

Bravo: Literally, "How bold!" or "What nerve!" This is a spontaneous expression of more...

The White House gate crashers' lawyer has announced that they plan totake the fifth. Great; so at the next party they weasel their wayinto, they'll also be stealing the liquor.

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.
During the tour, some of the children needed to go to the toilet, so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men’s toilet, one of the boys came out and told her that he couldn’t reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.
As she lifted one up in this manner, she couldn’t help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed for an elementary school child.
“I guess you must be in the fifth, ” she said.
“No ma’am, ” he replied, “I’m in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. but thanks for the lift anyhow. ”

Less-Known Computer Languages Basic-Fortran-Cobol... Theseprogramming languages are wellknown and (more or less) wellloved throughout the computerindustry.There are numerous otherlanguages however that are lesswell known yet still have ardentdevotees. In fact these little-known languages generallyhave the most fanatic admirers.For those who wish to know moreabout these obscure languages -and why they are obscure - Ipresent the following catalog.SIMPLE... SIMPLE is an acronymfor Sheer Idiot's Mono PurposeProgramming LingusiticEnvironment.This language developed at theHanover College for TechnologicalMisfits was designed to make itimpossible to write code witherrors in it. The statements aretherefore confined to BEGIN-END-and STOP. No matter how youarrange the statements you can'tmake a syntax error.Programs written in SIMPLE donothing useful.Thus they achievethe results of programs writtenin other languages without thetedious frustrating process oftesting and debugging.SLOBOL... SLOBOL more...

Fifth Law of Applied Terror: If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. Corollary: If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.

Dirty Name
A new primary school teacher starts her first day of class. She begins by asking students to stand and introduce themselves
The first child stands and says, "My name is Mary Johnson."
"Thank you, Mary", says the teacher.
The second student says, "My name is Sam Smith."
"Thank you, Sam."
The third student says, "My name is Johnny Fuckhour."
The teacher is horrified, and tells Johnny that this type of language will not be allowed. He replies, "Honest, my name is Johnny Fuckhour. If you don't believe me, check up in the fifth grade where my brother is."
So the teacher walks up to the fifth grade class, and asks, "Do you have a Fuckhour in here?"
One boy stands in the back of the room and says, "Hell, no! We don't even get a nap hour in here!"

There
was a guy whose lucky number was five. He was born on
May 5, 1955. He graduated 5th in his class, got a job
with the 5th company he applied to and soon became the
5th highest executive, married the 5th girl he dated,
had 5 children, and always shot a five under at golf.
One day he was at the horse track, and saw that at 5PM
in the fifth race in lane number 5 was a five year old
stallion named "Numero Cinco". Seeing this
as a sign, he goes to the fifth betting window and bets
$55,555 on the horse. He goes to the fifth row in the
stands to watch the race.
The horse came in fifth