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I was in Target the other day, shopping with a young lady friend. We were walking past the furniture section where there were several different models of bar stools on display. Next to them there was a sign that read: "All models in stock now!"
So I paused next to the display and said, "Do you know what these are?"
"What?" she asked.
I said, "Stool samples."

Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks "Have you got the time?" Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. "It's a quarter to six," he says.

"Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims the stranger.

Jake brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out" - and he shows him a time zone display not just for every time zone in the world, but for the 86 largest metropoli. He hits a few buttons and from somewhere on the watch a voice says "The time is eleven' til six" in a very West Texas accent. A few more buttons and the same voice says something in Japanese. Jake continues "I've put in regional accents for each city". The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding.

The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. "That's not all," says Jake. He more...

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,' What are these, Dad?' To which the man matter-of-factly replies,' Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex.'' Oh I see,' replied the boys pensively.' Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.' He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks,' Why are there 3 in this package.' The dad replies,' Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.'' Cool!' says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks,' Then who are these for?'' Those are for college men.' the dad answers,' TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.'' WOW!' exclaimed the boy,' then who uses THESE?' he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh, the dad replied,' Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........'

THINGS COMPUTERS CAN DO IN MOVIES
1. Word processors never display a cursor.
2. You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.
3. Movie characters never make typing mistakes.
4. All monitors display inch-high letters.
5. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces.
6. Those that don't have graphical interfaces will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.
7. Note: Command line interfaces will give you access to any information you want by simply typing, "ACCESS THE SECRET FILES" on any near-by keyboard.
8. You can also infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS". (See "Fortress".)
9. All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer even if it's more...

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad? ” To which the man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son…. Men use them to have safe sex. ” “Oh I see, ” replied the boys pensively. “Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school. ” He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, “Why are there 3 in this package. ” The dad replies, “Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday. ” “Cool! ” says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, “Then who are these for? ” “Those are for college men. ” the dad answers, “TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday. ” “WOW! ” exclaimed the boy, “then who uses THESE? ” he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March…….. ”

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.
2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack.
4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream 'MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!'
6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.
7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable.
8. Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King...
9....but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're 'astronaut food'.
10. Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while reading aloud from 'Dianetics.'
11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War I.
12. Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a more...

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond. 2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. 3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack. 4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents. 5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream' MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!' 6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles. 7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable. 8. Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King.. 9.. . but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're' astronaut food'. 10. Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while reading aloud from' Dianetics.' 11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War I. 12. Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say,' You mean you really can't more...