Saturday Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ''Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.''
    The son then asks his father, ''What's the 6-pack for?''
    The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.''
    Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for.
    The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for... ''

    Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage. Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like Prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself more...

    A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son.
    They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?". To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
    "Oh I see.", replied the boy, pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and ask, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
    The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday."
    "Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks "Then who are these for?"
    "Those are for college men", the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday and TWO for Sunday."
    "WOW!" exclaimed the boy;" Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
    With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for more...

    John and Karen thought the only way to pull off a Saturday afternoon quickie was to send their son on the porch and report the daily activities.
    The son said, "A red car went down the street... someone got their newspaper... and it looks like the Anderson's are screwing."
    Startled John and Karen shot up in bed. His father said, "Why do you say that?"
    "Becky is on their porch reporting activities too," he replied.

    (I got this one from my next door neighbor, who got it from his brother...)
    Desperate for work, Paul decides to accept a job offer mining deep in
    Alaska. After a long journey he arrives at the mining camp, 200 miles
    from civilization. The camp is small, with only a handful of miners.
    He promptly meets up with the manager, and asks what his duties are.
    "Firstly, you work six days of the week, every day except Saturday. Your
    primary duty is to help clear out the rubble, and dump it into the rock
    quarry down the road. The work isn't easy, but you will get used to it.
    Also, you are on KP duty on Friday nights."
    Morning comes, and Paul goes to work. The work is hard, but he is strong
    enough that it isn't a real problem.
    However, by the time Thursday comes around, Paul is feeling kind of lonely.
    With the nearest women 200 miles away, he can't imagine how the other miners
    endure from day to day. So, he approaches the more...

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