Dirty Mouth Jokes / Recent Jokes

The DEA has issued a warning that criminals are currently manufacturing knives that shoot bullets. A brilliant notion, really. Disguising weapons as... OTHER weapons.
The criminals are next developing a plan to disguise heroin as crack-cocaine. Genius.

Garret Lisi, a surfer and snowboarder who divides his time between Hawaii and Lake Tahoe, NV, has purportedly done what even eluded Einstein, postulated an overarching explanation of all particles and forces of the cosmos. Lee Smolin, a Canadian physicist has called it the most compelling unification models he’s seen in years.

This may be the first time a surfer proposed a "theory of everything" that didn't include a bong and flip-flops, Dr. Smolin said.

Three hookers were sitting in a bar after a long night of work. They were having a drink and talking about their last tricks. The first hooker said, "I just got done with an artist."
"Really", said the second hooker, "how could you tell?"
"When he was done", replied the first, "he got up and painted a beautiful mural of my vagina complete with angels and cherubs."
"Wow", said the second, "I just got done with a hunter."
"How do you know know he was a hunter?", said the first.
"Well, he went deep in the bush and ate what he shot.", she replied.
The three laughed. "Ha, ha, I've heard that one before.", said the first hooker.
Finally, the third prostitute piped up. "I just got done with a comedian."
The two others look her oddly. "How do you know he was a comedian?", they asked.
"Well", she replied, "We were having sex more...

A study finds that most US currency is laced with cocaine. In fact, most dollar bills have a street value of $1.07.

Second-degree burglary charges have been filed against an Ames man whobroke into a church where he allegedly used the institution'selectronic equipment to watch pornography. The scary thing about allthis: he didn't need the Internet.

I saw a guy wearing a pink gas mask today.

A pink gas mask says to everyone around, "Hey everybody, I'm gay, but i'm also prepared for a chemical attack!"

Either he's gay or some gay guy put it on him like "Queer Eye For the Apocalyptic Guy."

A 36-year old Wisconsin dancer who stripped in front of her children in a drunken attempt to avoid a shoplifting arrest is going to jail. Prosecutors say the woman stole beef jerky and a lighter from a continence store in October. They say when police went to her home she began screaming at the three children and told a teenager it was his fault. She then stripped to her underwear and told officers they couldn’t arrest her because she would be naked soon. Who says strippers aren’t smart.