Dirty Mouth Jokes / Recent Jokes

I was sitting in one of those vibrating chairs at the mall –
That thing went all the way down my spine, unhooked my bra, and grabbed my ass –
Not bad action for$1.00 for 2 minutes! I closed my eyes, leaned back to relax, and when I opened them - I had drawn spectators! I thought all the voyeurs in the mall had gathered around to watch my tits jiggle! Come to find out they were looking at my chin!

Women get a diamond ring when they get engaged. What do we get? A lousy blowjob. We spend $5,000 on a ring and that's it? Do you know how many blowjobs you can get for five grand? May I add that none would be lousy.
Well, if a woman gets an engagement ring, why don't we get something in return? (Women always say,"You get me!" Well I've had you!) I need something else, like maybe an engagement flatscreen, plasma T.V. We can both enjoy the plasma T.V. We both can't enjoy your diamond ring. And when we have kids we can enjoy it as a family.
Now, that's an engagement present that makes sense. And when the kids are off to school and you're off to work, I can continue to enjoy my engagement present and watch porn in HDTV!

Ted Haggard has emerged from rehab "completely heterosexual." Obviously, he's still doing meth.

Palestinian factions have agreed to recognize Israel.
Which will probably go something like this:
"Hey, isn't that the Israel dude who's been occupying us? Yeah, I recognize that prick."

The Fox network plans to air an interview called "O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened," in which O.J. tells "how he would have committed" the murders of his ex-wife and her friend. It will be followed by a special called, “Fox: If We Had No Class, Here’s What We’d Air.”

Canadian courts have given two Toronto college professors the right to smoke medical marijuana at school. Matthew McConaughey and Willie Nelson are enrolling in the PhD program.

To encourage their pandas to breed in captivity, a zoo in Thailand will play porn videos for the male bear. Members of Congress and top evangelical leaders have been asked to donate their collections.

U.S. intelligence officials believe Fidel Castro has terminal stomach, colon, or pancreatic cancer. In recent photos, Castro is seen wearing a warm-up jacket the CIA says is loose enough to hide a colostomy bag or weapons of mass destruction.

More than 700 people on a more...

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Older men with low levels of the hormone testosterone may die sooner than other men their age with normal testosterone levels, a study suggests.

At-risk men are urged to compensate for their low testosterone levels by purchasing a Hummer, but not a yellow one because those are gay.

The'Saw' movie series has recently been described by some as "torture porn." These same viewers have clearly never seen a Ron Jeremy flick.