Charlie Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Charlie is sitting in the doctor's waiting room, when George, a causal acquaintance, walks in and sits next to him.
    "W w what are yy you dd doing hh here?" George asks.
    "I'm waiting to see the doctor," replies Charlie.
    "Ww what's the mmm matter? Ww why dd do yyy you ww want to sss see him? George inquires.
    "Well, I have a prostate problem," Charlie says.
    "A pp prostate ppp problem, ww what's th th that?" asks George.
    "If you must know, I pee like you talk!" explains Charlie.

    If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
    When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20 even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need because it's on sale.
    A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
    A woman has the last word in any more...

    I remember the 60s, so - at least according to one expert (Wavey Gravy, social commentator and DJ) on the subject - I wasn't THERE. When the 60s recalled these days, it's usually done to point out how angry, vulgar and hateful a time they were. The image is a bit overblown.
    At least when it comes to Christmasy things, the 60s weren't all bad. Charlie Schulz gave us "A Charlie Brown Christmas" back then and that's when the Grinch first became famous.
    I seem to recall a cycle of whimsically ironic humor from back in the 60s. Now, by "whimsically ironic" I mean Jokes that would come from the lips of a Jonathan Winters rather than pen of a P. J. O'Rourke. Anybody remember these? Anybody remember others?
    Look, I don't care what star you're following, get them blasted camels off my lawn!
    "Ho, ho, ho" yerself, little fat guy, the hooves of those animals are chewing up my shingles something fierce!

    LONDON - A baffled British woman who lost a mobile phone dialed
    the number and heard it ringing inside her friend's dog.
    Rachel Murray, 27, had left the cellphone under her Christmas tree as a
    surprise gift for her flatmate, The Sun newspaper reported on Friday.
    But chum Tony Dangerfield's bloodhound Charlie crept into the room and
    greedily wolfed down the mobile phone, leaving only a pile of torn paper.
    After a frantic search for the phone, Murray obtained the number from the
    telephone company, dialed and heard muffled ringing from sleeping Charlie's
    "At first I thought Charlie was lying on the phone - then I realized where
    it was," she said. "I couldn't believe he'd swallowed it."
    The dog was rushed to a vet, who advised Murray and Dangerfield to let
    nature take its course.
    Twenty four hours later the phone duly emerged - in perfect working order.

    Yesterday actor Charlie Sheen's Mercedes was stolen and carelessly driven off a ravine. According to reports, the car thief didn’t want money, he just wanted to craft the perfect metaphor for Charlie Sheen’s career.

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