Chicago Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Cattle Call

    Hot 2 years ago

    When the cattle had been loaded into cars and shipped to Chicago for sale, each car was appointed an attendant to feed and water the cattle during the journey. This is the story of such a cowboy:
    Following the unloading of the cattle in Chicago, the cowboy headed to a restaurant for dinner. The only seat was next to a lady who looked wealthy and educated. He couldn't help overhearing her order. "I'll have a breast of fowl, virgin fowl, make sure it's a virgin, catch it yourself, garnish my plate with onions, a cup of coffee, not too hot, not too cold, and open the window, I smell a cow, there must be a cowboy in here."
    Thoroughly pissed off, the cowboy placed his order. "I'll have a duck, a fucked duck, make sure it's fucked, fuck it yourself, garnish my plate with horse shit, a cup of coffee, strong as Texas mule piss, blow the foam off with a fart, and knock out the wall, I smell a cunt, there must be a whore in the house."

    Chicago Cubs For Sale

    Hot 4 years ago

    It was reported that at the end of the season the Chicago Cubs will be sold.

    Current ownership is looking for anyone willing to piss away $5.

    The NFL team names

    Hot 4 years ago

    NFL Team Lame Names

    When a football team is having trouble getting into the win column, fans usually assign a more appropriate name to describe that team's performance. Here is a collection of some of these lame names for the NFL.

    AFC West:

    Denver Broncos - Denver Donkeys

    Kansas City Chiefs - Kansas City Griefs

    Los Angeles Raiders - Los Angeles Faders

    San Diego Chargers - San Diego Rechargers

    Seattle Seahawks - Seattle Weehawks

    AFC Central:

    Cincinnati Bengals - Cincinnati Plaingels

    Cleveland Browns - Cleveland Clowns

    Houston Oilers - Houston Spoilers

    Pittsburgh Steelers - Pittsburgh Reelers

    AFC East:

    Buffalo Bills - Buffalo Nils

    Buffalo Spills

    Indianapolis Colts - Indianapolis Dolts

    Miami Dolphins - Miami Stallfins

    Miami Soft Ones

    New England Patriots - New England more...

    The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:
    I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
    I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.
    A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state."
    I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from more...

    Speedy Flight

    Hot 5 years ago

    Not realizing that Indianapolis is on Eastern Standard Time and Chicago on Central Standard, a blonde inquired at the Indianapolis airport about a flight to Chicago.
    "The next flight to Chicago departs at 1:00 PM," the ticket agent said, "and arrives at 1:01 PM."
    "Would you mind repeating that, please?" asked the blonde.
    The agent repeated the information and then asked, "Would you care to make a reservation, sir?"
    "No, thank you," replied the blonde, "but I do think I'll stick around and watch that thing take off."

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