Bump Jokes / Recent Jokes

The lady at the Immigration and Naturalization office came into the office late one day to see a room full of people. She took a moment to overhear a conversation already in progress before her anonymity was compromised. Two Italians were engaged in an animated conversation. Her attention was galvanized when she heard one of them say: First Emma, she coma. Then I coma. Then to asses they bump togetha'. Then I coma again. Then to asses they bump togetha' again. Then I coma again. Then pee twice. Then I coma one lasta' time. "You foul mouth swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" He says to her, "Hey, coola downa lady. Imma justa teachin' my frena' howa' to spella' Mississippi."

Don`t drink and drive.... You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

A man is walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP.. BUMP... behind him
Walking faster he looks back and can make out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him
...BUMP,
it goes... BUMP..
...BUMP..
Terrified, the man begins to run towards his house, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him..
Faster..
FASTER..
BUMP..
BUMP..
BUMP!
He runs up to the door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him..
However, the coffin crashes through the door - its lid clapping dementedly.. Clappity-BUMP..
Clappity-BUMP..
Clappity-BUMP..
Hot on the heels of the terrified man..
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is mixed with sobs and gasps..
With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping towards him..
The man screams more...

there were 3 guys that went sky diving. one dropped a pebbleand jumped.the second dropped a rock. and the third dropped a grenade. when the first guy landed he was a little kid crying so he asked "hey kid why are you crying" and the kid replied "I just got nailed by some moron that threw a pebble at me." when the second guy landed he saw a man with a big bump on his head so he asked "how did you get that big bump on your head?" and the man replied "some moron threw a rock at me." when the third guy landed he saw this little kid laughing so hard his face turned red. so he aske "hey kid whats so funny?" and the little kid replies"my daddy farted and the house blew up."

John was on his way to work. He got on his bus and sat down. After a while there is a small bump.
John; "What was that?"
Driver; "It was a cat"
John; "Why did you run it over?"
Driver; "Well it was either that or swerve into the tree at the side of the road and kill us all!"
John; "Oh, fair enough"
A little farthur down the road the bus swerves suddenly and a bigger bump shakes the bus.
John; "What was that!!?"
Driver; "It was a dog"
John; "Why did you run it over?"
Driver "I couldn't help it, I tried to swerve but I hit it by accident"
John; "That's awful but I suppose you did try to swerve"
The bus continued on its journey but later on it swerved again and there was a small bump followed by a large thud.
John; "What is it this time?"
Driver; "I hit an old lady"
John; "Oh my god. Is she more...