Bump Jokes / Recent Jokes

1.Keep your lights blinking for a whole hour.
2.Go really slow on a highway.
3.Smile and wave at everyone that you see at a stoplight.
4.Turn your radio up while playing opera music.
5.When stopping at a stop sign run out of your car and look to see if any cars are coming then yell, "It's all clear!"
6.When coming to a speed bump, get out and say "My car won't make it!" then try to push it over the bump.
7.At every stoplight, run out and check your tires and yell, "Don't worry it's OK!"
8.Take a sponge and a bucket of water and pull over to wash the bugs off the car every time you see one.
9.Fill the back seats with plastic bags, put the windows down, and drive around really fast.
10.Change your licence plate every you stop and yell, "They're after me! Anybody got a screwdriver?"

A man was walking home alone one night when he heard a "BUMP....BUMP....BUMP..." behind him. Walking faster, he looked back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards
him...."BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..."The man began to run toward his home, and the coffin bounced after him faster....faster...BUMP BUMP BUMP!He ran up to his door, fumbled with his keys, opened the door, rushed in, and locked it behind him. The coffin crashed through his door, with the lid of the coffin
clapping BUMP...BUMP...BUMP... on the heels of the terrified man. The man rushed upstairs to the bathroom and locked himself in, heart pounding.With a CRASH, the coffin broke down the door, coming slowly toward him. The man while screaming, reached for something, anything....all he can find was a box of cough drops which he hurled at the coffin.... and suddenly "the coffin stops!"

When a married couple arrived at the hospital to have their baby delivered, the doctor informed them of a new machine he had invented. He explained that the machine would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pains to the father of the baby, and asked if they would be willing to try it out. They both agreed to give it a try.
To begin, the doctor set the knob of the machine at 10 percent, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced in the past. As labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to bump it up a notch. The doctor adjusted the knob to 20 percent pain transfer and still, the husband felt fine.
The doctor checked his blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing, so they decided to bump it up to 50 percent.
Even at 50 percent, the husband continued to feel fine. Since it appeared to be helping his wife out considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain more...

A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP.... BUMP..... behind him. Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street towards him.... BUMP..... BUMP...... BUMP.....

Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind. . faster.... faster.... BUMP.... BUMP..... BUMP.......

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with its lid clapping..... clappity-BUMP........ clappity-BUMP. ...... clappity-BUMP..... on the heels of the terrified man.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding, his head is reeling, his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door, bumping and clapping towards him.

The man screams and reaches for more...

LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.
DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop.
GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.
BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for more...

Bina-Thats A Terrible Bump On Your Head Vivek. How Did You Get It? Vivek-Somebody Threw Tomatoes At Me Bina-But Tomatoes Are
Not So Hard How Could They Give A Bump Like That. Vivek-They Were Inside A Tin

15 Fun Things to do in Public Areas
(I actually did all of these)
1. Go up to random people and ask "How are you doing?" See what kind of conversation you can start.
(I met lots of new people this way)
2. Ask someone what another person's name is nearby. Go up to that person and say "Hey, *person's name*. How are you? You forgot my name, again, didn't you!?" (People normally look at me very confused with this one.)
3. Fall down in front of strangers, and see if they try to help. (If they don't help, I yell out, "FINE! DON'T HELP ME THEN!")
4. Bump into someone and pretend it causes you to fall down. See if they apologize. (This is hard to do, because they normally try to avoid me when I try to bump them.)
5. Walk behind someone until he/she turns around. Then say, "What?" (You should look very confused, so it makes them be confused also.)
6. Run around and jump on things and make noises pretending to be a more...