Beside Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here's a joke my uncle told me:
Through some cosmic fluke, Reagan, Thatcher, and Gorbachev all died on
the same day. Off they went to the gates of Heaven. Peter, seeing that
these were all VIPs, sent them straight off to the Almighty.
God, sitting on his throne, called up Reagan.
"Ronald, my son, what have you to say for yourself?"
"I tried to improve the US economy," replied Reagan, "and I did my best to
benefit the nation."
"Very well, my son, come up and sit beside me at my right hand."
And so Reagan sat at his right.
God then called up Gorbachev.
"Mikhail, my son, what have you to say for yourself?"
"I tried to make Soviet society more open," replied Gorbachev, "and I did
my best to improve the Soviet economy."
"Very well, my son, come up and sit beside me at my left hand."
And so Gorbachev sat at his left.
God then called up more...

A blonde chick walks into a bar, sits down and starts watching the TV. There's a guy on the news thats going to jump off a building, so the guy sitting beside her says "10 bucks says he jumps."
The blonde replied, "Sure, I'll take that bet."
The guy on the news jumps, so she pays the guy sitting beside her his 10 dollars.
He laughs and says, "Hey, I feel too bad taking advantage of you. I saw it on the 5:00 news."
She replies "It's OK I saw it on the 5:00 news too, but I just didn't think he'd do it again."

Defense Attorney: "Would you please state your age to the court for the record."
Little Old Lady: "I am 86 years old."
Defense Attorney: "Will you tell us in your own words, what happened to you on the night in question."
Little Old Lady: "There I was sitting on my porch swing on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up the porch stairs and sits down beside me."
Defense Attorney: "Did you know him?"
Little Old Lady: "No, but he sure was friendly."
Defense Attorney: "Then what happened after he sat down beside you?"
Little Old Lady: "Well, he started to rub my thighs."
Defense Attorney: "Did you stop him?"
Little Old Lady: "No, I didn't."
Defense Lawyer: "Why not?"
Little Old Lady: "It felt good. Nobody has done that since my Dan passed away 30 years ago."
Defense Attorney: "Then what more...

Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you?
Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: more...

Mr. Thadani, a middle-aged Sindhi, is on a plane for Hongkong, in a window seat. Just before take-off, this HUGE Sardar wearing a beautiful suit walks up and sits down beside him. A few minutes later, the plane takes off. All is well For a while. But then, Mr. Thadani realizes that he has to go to the washroom.

That wouldn't be a problem, but he looks over and notices that the Sardar beside him is sound asleep, and Mr. Thadani, being a meek man is afraid to disturb him. So he figures he'll hold it in till Sardarji wakes up. But as luck would have it, the Sardar just keeps snoring away, and Mr. Thadani is feeling increasingly more uncomfortable.

After a while, he starts to feel nauseous as well, what from holding it in combined with the plane ride. He tries and tries to hold it in, but then "AAARRGGHH!!"--he throws up all over the Sardar and his beautiful suit.

He thinks, "Oh, no! Now he's gonna kill me!" and sits there in more...