Beside Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Margaret Thatcher joke

    Hot 8 years ago

    Here's a joke my uncle told me:
    Through some cosmic fluke, Reagan, Thatcher, and Gorbachev all died on
    the same day. Off they went to the gates of Heaven. Peter, seeing that
    these were all VIPs, sent them straight off to the Almighty.
    God, sitting on his throne, called up Reagan.
    "Ronald, my son, what have you to say for yourself?"
    "I tried to improve the US economy," replied Reagan, "and I did my best to
    benefit the nation."
    "Very well, my son, come up and sit beside me at my right hand."
    And so Reagan sat at his right.
    God then called up Gorbachev.
    "Mikhail, my son, what have you to say for yourself?"
    "I tried to make Soviet society more open," replied Gorbachev, "and I did
    my best to improve the Soviet economy."
    "Very well, my son, come up and sit beside me at my left hand."
    And so Gorbachev sat at his left.
    God then called up more...

    Smart ladies

    Hot 8 years ago

    There are 3 ladies on a flight. Suddenly the pilot informed them that there was a technical problem and the plane was going to crash into the sea.
    A chinese lady quickly took her cosmetics set out and started to doll herself up.
    A Malay lady beside her questioned her on her actions. The chinese lady replied that if she lookod beautiful, the guys coming to rescue survivors would usually save the pretty ladies first, On hearing this, the Malay lady started to put on all her jewellery.
    An Indian woman sitting beside the Malay lady was curious and questioned her.
    The Malay lady said that the rescuers would save her because she would easily be identified by the glitter of her jewels.
    Then the Indian woman started taking her clothes off.
    Both the Chinese and Malay ladies were shocked and questioned her.The Indian woman then replied that rescue teams do not usually look for survivors. They usually look for the "Black Box" first.

    Dumb blonde in a bar

    Hot 7 years ago

    A blonde chick walks into a bar, sits down and starts watching the TV. There's a guy on the news thats going to jump off a building, so the guy sitting beside her says "10 bucks says he jumps."
    The blonde replied, "Sure, I'll take that bet."
    The guy on the news jumps, so she pays the guy sitting beside her his 10 dollars.
    He laughs and says, "Hey, I feel too bad taking advantage of you. I saw it on the 5:00 news."
    She replies "It's OK I saw it on the 5:00 news too, but I just didn't think he'd do it again."

    Defense Attorney: What is your age?
    Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.
    Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
    Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
    Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
    Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.
    Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you?
    Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.
    Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
    Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.
    Defense Attorney: Why not?
    Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.
    Defense Attorney: What happened next?
    Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.
    Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
    Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.
    Defense Attorney: Why not?
    Little Old Woman: more...

    Johnny was walking down the street pulling his wagon when he stubbed his toe. He was swearing like crazy when a priest comes up to him and says "Johnny, I wouldn't say such things, God is everywhere."
    Intrigued by the priest's comment, he questions the priest. "Is God over there?" he says pointing to a tree. "Yes Johnny, God is over there by that tree!" says the priest.
    "Is god right here?" Johnny said pointing right beside him. "Yes Johnny God is right beside you." says the priest.
    "Is God in my red wagon?" asks Johnny. "Yes Johnny, God is in your red wagon." says the priest.
    "Is god in my basement?" asks Johnny. "Yes Johnny, God is in your basement." says the priest.
    Johnny screams "You're a liar, I don't have a basement!"

  • Recent Activity