Behold Jokes / Recent Jokes

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. Prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.
Finally one day during a tropical storm, Justin said to Christian "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark - then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..." As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a flash of lightning hits the water and lo and behold, Justin turns into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swims away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time went on and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them, Justin hardly realizing that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
During the next tropical storm, Justin figures that the same lightening force could change him back more...

Moses and Christ come back to Earth and are standing by a beach at a nudist colony. Christ says to Moses "This is sinful, we must do something about this." Moses agrees and steps forward and says "All of you Jews step forward and behold this," he then turns and walks out 100' on top of the water and shouts to the Jews "Repent, Repent!" And all the Jews began to get dressed. Christ, not wanting to be out-done by Moses calls to all the Christians to the seashore and says "Behold." And he turns to the water, but he walks out ten feet & the water is up to his knees, twenty feet-his waist, fifty feet-his neck and he can go no further. Finally he quietly calls over to Moses and says..."Moses, Moses how did you do that miracle?" And Moses says to Christ "Don't be a idiot, walk on the underwater rocks like I did!"

A young minister had just got out of the seminary, got his first church, and was preaching his first sermon. In the seminary, they had taught him that if he forgot something, just back up and repeat what he had said, and maybe it would come back to him.

He started out with a quote, "Behold, I cometh....." but he couldn't remember the rest of it.

So he trys to regain his composure, backs up an starts again... "Behold I cometh..." but he still couldn't remember.

So he rears back and shouts again, "Behold I cometh!. .." but this time he trips over the pulpit and falls right into the lap of a little old lady sitting the front row!

He was embarassed and started apologizing, but before he could finish the woman muttered...
"It isn't your fault sonny - you told me you were coming three times... I should have moved!"

The new preacher had just begun his sermon. He was a little nervous, and about ten minutes into the sermon his mind went blank. After a brief second of complete panic, he remembered what they had taught him in seminary about situations like this: repeat the last point. His teacher assured him this would help him remember what was supposed to come next. So he gave it a try."Behold, I come quickly," he said. Still his mind was blank. He tried again. "Behold, I come quickly." Still nothing.He tried one more time - speaking and gesturing with such force that he fell forward, knocking the pulpit to one side, tripping over the flower pot, and falling into the lap of a little old lady in the front row.The young preacher apologized profusely. "That's all right, young man," said the little old lady. "It was my fault. I should have gotten out of the way. You told me three times you were coming!"

A young minister had just got out of the seminary, got his first church, and was preaching his first sermon. In the seminary, they had taught him that if he forgot something, just back up and repeat what he had said, and maybe it would come back to him.
He started out with a quote, "Behold, I cometh... " but he couldn't remember the rest of it.
So he trys to regain his composure, backs up an starts again... "Behold I cometh..." but he still couldn't remember.
So he rears back and shouts again, "Behold I cometh!..." but this time he trips over the pulpit and falls right into the lap of a little old lady sitting the front row!
He was embarassed and started apologizing, but before he could finish the woman muttered...
"It isn't your fault sonny - you told me you were coming three times... I should have moved!"