Mind Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A guy was stranded on a desert island with Cindy Crawford. He played it cool, and he didn't make any moves towards her for several weeks. Finally, one day he asked her if maybe they could start up a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other's needs. Cindy said she was game and a very vigorous sexual relationship began.

    Everything was great for about 4 months. One day, the guy went to Cindy and said,' I'm having this problem. It's kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favor.' Cindy said,' Okay.' The guy said,' Can I borrow your eyebrow pencil?' Cindy looked at him a little funny, but said,' Sure, you can borrow my eyebrow pencil.' The guy then said,' Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a moustache on you?' Cindy is getting a little worried, but says,' Okay.' Then the guy said,' Can you wear some of my guy clothing, I need for you to look more like a man.' Cindy is getting a little disappointed at this point, but says,' Well I guess so.' Then the more...

    A priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices and asks the priest if he'd like to join him for a couple of hours. The priest agrees.
    The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before, to
    which the priest answers no. He baits the hook and says, "Give it a shot, Father."
    After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it in the boat.
    The fisherman says, "Whoa, look at that big sonofabitch!"
    Priest: "Uh, sir, can you please mind your language?"
    Fisherman: (THINKING QUICKLY) "I'm sorry, Father, but that's
    what the fish is called: - a sonofabitch."
    Priest: "Oh, I'm sorry, I did not know."
    After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and
    stops the Bishop.
    Priest: "Look at this big sonofabitch!"
    Bishop: "Please, mind your language, this more...

    This woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through examining her he says: "I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a tooth."
    The woman then says: "Ooooohhhh, the pain is so awful I'd rather have a baby!"
    To which the dentist replies, "Make up your mind lady, I'll have to adjust the chair!"

    College is basically a bunch of rooms where you sit for roughly two thousand hours and try to memorize things. The two thousand hours are spread out over four years; you spend the rest of the time sleeping and trying to get dates.
    Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college:
    1. Things you will need to know in later life (two hours).
    2. Things you will not need to know in later life (1,998 hours).
    These are the things you learn in classes whose names end in -ology, -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is, you memorize these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget them. If you fail to forget them, you become a professor and have to stay in college for the rest of your life.
    It's very difficult to forget everything. For example, when I was in college, I had to memorize - don't ask me why - the names of three metaphysical poets other than John Donne. I have managed to forget one of them, but I still remember that the other two were more...

    My mind is like concrete: thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

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