Bear Jokes / Recent Jokes
A grizzley bear can tear through trees like a Jewish mother through self-esteem.
Copied from Houston Chronicle Columnist, Jim Barlow.
Department of Unusual Marketing: Johnson & Johnson has a continuing contract with a number of Web sites devoted to the stock market. When the stock market falls by at least 100 points, banner ads for the company's headache remedies appear on the sites.
News Releases I Never Got Around to Finishing: "The recent U.S. presidential election left a number of people wondering if their vote really counts. But with GetMusic's new music video voting tool, Hot or Not, every vote matters. Launching today on GetMusic.com (www.get-music.com)... "
Job Title of the Month: A Build-A-Bear Workshop is a retail chain that allows customers to design their very own stuffed bear. Maxine Clark is Chief Executive Bear.
And speaking of animals, The You're Probably Not Surprised Award to rapper Snoop Dogg's new venture, a porn video called Doggystyle. While the Dogg performs in the video, he keeps his clothes on.
Our Say What? more...
A bear walks into a bar and takes a seat at the bar.
"Can i get you anything mate?", says the barman.
"yeah, ill have a pint of fosters and a... packet of peanuts please!"
With that the bloke looks at the bear as he hands him the pint and says "ay maye, whats with the huge pause?"
A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the
hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he collided with a bear, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside. His rifle went one way, and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs.That was the good news. The bad news was the ferocious bear was charging
at him, and he couldn't move."Oh, Lord," the preacher prayed, "I'm so sorry for skipping services today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish: Please make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me. Please, Lord!"That very instant the bear skidded to a halt, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud at the preacher's feet:"Dear God, bless this food I am about to receive..."
Alaska
• A law in Fairbanks does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.
(O_o)
• Even though it is legal to hunt a bear, it is illegal to wake a bear for photo opportunities.
(is shooting waking?)
• Fairbanks: It is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
(but why?)
• In Alaska it is illegal to whisper in someone's ear while they are moose hunting.
• It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
(How did the moose get in the flippin plane?)
• Kangaroos are not allowed in barber shops at any time.
• Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.
• State policy states that emergencies are held to a minimum and rarely found to exist.
(*911* "we are sorry, this number has been disconnected")
A Gastonia, N. C., couple were arrested after they left their three children home alone with a black bear. After receiving a tip from a motorist who said they'd seen a bear in the couples' car, officers went to the home of Cynthia and Adam Williams and found the bear at home with their three children, aged 3, 4 and 5.
Cynthia Williams, 22, said she and her 24-year-old husband were holding the bear for a friend who was out of town. "As soon as we found out we couldn't get it permitted, we were going to take it back," she said. "It wasn't vicious to nobody." The bear was removed from the house by animal welfare officers and the children taken into protective care.