Bear Jokes / Recent Jokes

In Alaska's National Forests, a tourists guide was giving a talk to a group of tourists about hiking in grizzly bear territory:

"Most bear encounters occur when hikers, being extra quiet along the trails in hopes of viewing wildlife, accidentally stumble into bears. The resulting suprise can be catastrophic."

To avoid this, he suggested that each hiker wear tiny bells on their clothing to warn the bears of their presence. "Also," he said further, "be especially cautious when you see signs of bears in the area, especially when you see bear droppings."

One tourist asked, "How do you identify bear droppings?"

"Oh that's easy," the guide explained, "its the ones with all the tiny bells in them!"

A bear was chasing a rabbit around the woods, when the rabbit came across a magic frog. He said that if they stopped fighting he'd grant them 3 wishes each "Bear, you go first" the frog said. So the bear wished that all the bears in the wood except him were female. The rabbit then asked for a motorbike." poof, two wishes left." " duh, " thought the bear, "rabbit could have just asked for money and then he could have bought his own motorbike" So bear then wished that all the bears except him in the next wood were female too. The rabbit then asked for a motorcycle helmet, put it on and kickstarted the engine. The bear was shocked at how thick the rabbit was being, he could have asked for more money and bought his own
" Rabbit, your last wish" the frog said. The rabbit said: "I wish the bear was gay", and drove off into the distance.

1. Cut a hole in the ice.
2. Open up a can of pea's and spread them around the hole.
3. When the polar bear comes up to take a pea. You kick him in the ice hole.

A co-worker's favorite joke:
Two men are hiking in the mountains. One suddenly stops, removes
his hiking boots, and starts putting on sneakers. The other asks
why he is doing that.
The first man answers, "I thought I heard a bear."
The second argues, "You can't outrun a bear, not even with sneakers."
The first responds, "I just need to outrun YOU!"

The Three Bears returned one sunny sunday morning from a stroll in the woods to find the door of their little house open. Cautiously, they went inside. After a while, big Daddy Bear`s deep voice boomed out, "Someone`s been eating MY porridge!" Mummy Bear gave a yelp, "Someone`s been eating MY porridge!", she said. Little Baby Bear rushed in, "Forget the porridge - someone`s nicked the DVD player!"

There was this guy that whent bear huntning and seen a large bear by a clearing, he aimed and fired and the bear dropped. that hunter ran up to look for the bear and it wasnt there, about that time the bear came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder and sead "you have two choices, i can kill you and eat you or screw you a while", the hunter didn't want to die so he let the bear have his way with him and left.
he was mad as hell whent back the next day with a 7 mm mag and sure enough there was the bear in the same place. he took aim and fired and the bear dropped, he ran up to get the bear and there was no bear. the bear came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder and sead, "same deal as yesterday". so the hunter let the bear have his way with him again and he left madder than before. he when't home and got a 300 weatheby Mag and whent back to the same lpace and sure enough there was the bear again. he took realy carefull aim and fired and the bear more...

A koala bear comes to the city and wants to be like the rest of the men, so he hires a prostitute and has sex with her. In the morning he bangs her one more time and grabs his stuff to leave. The prostitute says" Wait, you have to pay me." She shows him the definition of protitute:has sex and gets paid. The koala shows her he definition of koala bear: eats bush and leaves.