Avoid Jokes / Recent Jokes

Insensitive Term-Preferred Term: ETHNICITY
PC people do not recognize the term, "race," as valid
Black- African-Canadian, (NOTE: DOES NOT INCLUDE: LIBYANS, EGYPTIANS, WHITE South AFRICANS. DOES INCLUDE: PEOPLE WITH DARK SKIN REGARDLESS OF WHERE THEY ARE FROM OR WHERE THEY LIVE.)
Oriental- Asian-Canadian (Note: Not Considered "REAL" Minorities since they tend to do well)
Indian- Native-Canadian (NOTE: The following terms are no PC: Atlanta Braves, Cleveland Indians, Kansas City Chiefs, Washington Redskins, (Avoid these cities!)
Chicano -Hispanic (NOTE: THE FOLLOWING ARE NOT PC: Cheech and Chong, Chico and the Man episodes, Cisco Kid, Rosarita Salsa, Speedy Gonzales, AVOID! AVOID!)
White Trash-PC Unaware, Rustically Inclined
WASP (white male)-insensitive Cultural Oppressor (ICO)
GENDER-(PC people don't like the word "sex" as it has confusing connotations)
Woman- Womyn; more...

Insensitive Term-Preferred Term: ETHNICITYPC people do not recognize the term, "race," as validBlack- African-Canadian, (NOTE: DOES NOT INCLUDE: LIBYANS, EGYPTIANS, WHITE South AFRICANS. DOES INCLUDE: PEOPLE WITH DARK SKIN REGARDLESS OF WHERE THEY ARE FROM OR WHERE THEY LIVE.)Oriental- Asian-Canadian (Note: Not Considered "REAL" Minorities since they tend to do well)Indian- Native-Canadian (NOTE: The following terms are no PC: Atlanta Braves, Cleveland Indians, Kansas City Chiefs, Washington Redskins, (Avoid these cities!)Chicano -Hispanic (NOTE: THE FOLLOWING ARE NOT PC: Cheech and Chong, Chico and the Man episodes, Cisco Kid, Rosarita Salsa, Speedy Gonzales, AVOID! AVOID!)White Trash-PC Unaware, Rustically InclinedWASP (white male)-insensitive Cultural Oppressor (ICO)GENDER-(PC people don't like the word "sex" as it has confusing connotations) Woman- Womyn; Vaginal-CanadianGirl-Pre-WomynHousewife-Domestic EngineerFireman-FirefighterStewardess-Flight more...

A quick narrative. I always wanted a hopped up muscle car when I was younger. I couldn't afford one. Now I can, and I have one. It's a' 70 Mustang, and her name is Bessie. Bessie is the proto-typical juvenile, male-caveman, scratch yourself and drink cheap beer car. Chromed engine, dual exhaust, 250 horsepower, big tires.

I'm driving Bessie on Beach Boulevard behind an ancient guy in a beat up truck. He decides to turn in front of me without a blinker. I accelerate to swerve and avoid him, and this crazy, over aerobicized woman jumps in front of my car with her hand up. Meet Ethel, the neighborhood busybody/nuisance.

She proceeds to yell in my window, "Hey, slow down you idiot." I'm a well-bred, mellow guy by nature, so I ignore this. As I drive away, she yells, "Jerk" at me again. Twice? I turn around and drive up next to her.

"Do you have a problem?" I ask.

"Yeah, why are you driving like an more...

Similarity between male organ and shaving gel can:

Shaving gel can:
Warning: contents under pressure.
Do not puncture or incinerate.
Do not store
At temperature above 120 degrees f as container may burst.
Avoid extreme Cold.
Use only as directed. Keep out of reach of children.

Guys thing:
Warning contents under pressure.
Do not puncture or cut off!!!!!
Do not store At temperature above 98.6 degrees f as container may have trouble bursting.
Avoid extreme cold.
Use only as directed.
No jailbait allowed.

I hate some things about this time of year. Not the crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds.
You can't pick up a magazine without finding a list of holiday eating do's and don'ts. .. eliminate second helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say.
Good grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick?
I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot was something you left for Rudolph. I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't make it to New Year's? Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave more...

Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question,' How do I look?' PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter (or at least men think it means that). PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My Spouse. The first naked man a woman sees is' Ken'. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.' Oh, nothing,' has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading. All women are overweight by definition don't agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain. If it is not more...

How To Be A Cultist:

Recently, the Society For Evil Overlords has noticed a regrettable
decline in the availability and quality of fanatical henchmen, evil
priests, and willing sacrificial victims. We wish to correct this
growing problem by submitting the following general guidelines for
Cultists.

1. Pick one faith and stay with it. Dilettantism is the mark of
the amateur.

2. Avoid needless embarrassment. Practice the correct
pronunciation of your deity+s name in the privacy of your own room
before chanting it in public. Flash cards are often helpful.

3. Never invoke anything bigger than your head.

4. Avoid all cabalistic jewelry over ten pounds in weight+ it
attracts unwelcome attention from tourists, policemen, various
supernatural creatures, and can be downright dangerous during
thunderstorms.

5. Citronella candles may not be used in rituals. I cannot stress
this more...