Management Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Bosses are like legs... When they get to the top, they become asses.

    Q: Why do men name their penises?
    A: Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 99% of their decisions.

    1 "Employees are our most valuable asset."
    2. "I have an open door policy."
    3. "You could earn more money under the new plan."
    4. "We're reorganizing to better serve our customers."
    5. "The future is bright."
    6. "We reward risk takers."
    7. "Performance will be rewarded."
    8. "We don't shoot the messenger."
    9. "Training is a high priority."
    10. "I haven't heard any rumours."
    11. "We'll review your performance in six months."
    12. "Our people are the best."
    13. "Your input is important to us."
    14 “You will receive two weeks training every year.”

    To all staff
    Early Retirement
    Due to the current financial situation, management has decided to give all workers over 30 yrs an early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Personnel Early).
    Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Retirement). Persons who have been RAPED & SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme For Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED only once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as management deems appropriate.
    Persons who have been RAPED can apply to get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependant or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Early Personnel Scheme). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management.
    Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself for the amount of SHIT it gives it's more...

    What to Do With All Those "Free" Soaps When Travelling This is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned. Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. Berman ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the more...

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