Aol Jokes / Recent Jokes

You Know It's Time To Turn Your Computer Off When... A friend calls and says, "How are you? Your phones have been busy for a year!" You forgot how to work the TV remote control. You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL." You meet the mailman at the curb and swear he said YOU'VE GOT MAIL. You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes. You fall asleep, but instead of dreams you get IMs. You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have AOL in your car. Tech support calls YOU for help. You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out." You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza. You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it. You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing. You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said. You sneak away to your computer when everyone goes to sleep. You talk on the phone with the same person you are more...

My computer broke down. It crashed and burned! And for my AOL, I really yearned! I tried to stay busy... And keep it off my mind. It was worse than cigarettes, at least butts I can find!! So I went to Wal-Mart, and got on their pc. The cashier in electronics was staring at me. But I didn't care. I had to get on line! Check my mail, and see what buddies I can find. I drew a crowd as I began to cry. I couldn't find the password no matter how hard I tried! I need my AOL!! I got to have my fix!! Go to my favorite places, check out some cool pics. The cashier called Security! I heard her whisper low, "We have ourselves a Psycho here and she has got to go!" Security rushed over. Not long did he stall. Obviously he has never suffered from AOL withdrawal. He slapped cuffs on my wrists and threw me out the door! Then he looked at me and said, "Don't come round here no more!"I feel so embarrassed!! I have sunk so low! To be kicked out of Wal-Mart.... How low can I go? So more...

I was sitting in a chat room,
Feeling mildly amused,
When I saw something strange,
That left me all confused.

Someone typed a word,
(As far as I could tell)
But I had never seen it.
What is an LOL?

Then the plot got thicker,
More words I didn’t know,
A person started typing,
The word LMAO.

I sat there in amazement,
I felt like a dumb toad.
Could it be, these people,
Were speaking in a code?

That’s when I looked closer.
And found the subtle clue.
I figured out this code
And I’ll share it now, with you.

LOL is three little words,
That seem, to me, quite shady.
LOL is a command,
The words, “Lean Over Lady? ”

LMAO, was more obscure,
It made me sweat my socks!
LMAO is a command,
Meaning, “Leave Me Alone, Ox! ”

ROFL was harder still,
I found it rather sickening.
It’s a discreet way to more...

Multiple Choice:
1. You log-on to:
A) Check your stock portfolio.
B) Meet new people and hang out.
C) Deny the punt beast his glory.

2. This week you spent:
A) 2-10 hours online.
B) Gee, probably about 20 hours online if you include flash sessions.
C) What day is it? (Give yourself “C” point credits if you’ve been on line since last week)

3. “Hell” can be best defined as:
A) A fiery dimension of eternal torture and penance.
B) Waiting in line at the DMV.
C) “The system is temporarily unavailable. Please try again in 15 minutes. ”

4a. You experience the greatest amount of stress when:
A) You are caught in rush hour traffic.
B) You realize you don’t have enough money to pay your bills.
C) You receive 17 IM’s while in the middle of a riveting chat in a crowded room.

4b. Extra Credit: The answer to 4a is not “B” because:
A) You have money you can pull out more...

On the 1st day of Christmas AOL gave to me……..
unlimited hours with a flat fee.
On the 2nd day of Christmas AOL gave to me……
2 buddy lists and unlimited hours with a flat fee.
On the 3rd day of Christmas AOL gave to me……
3 Emails, 2 buddy lists and unlimited hours with a flat fee.
On the 4th day of Christmas AOL gave to me…….
4 frozen screens, 3 Emails, 2 buddy lists and unlimited hours with a flat fee.
On the 5th day of Christmas AOL gave to me……
5 Chat Room brawls!!! 4 frozen screens, 3 Emails, 2 buddy lists and unlimited
hours with a flat fee.
On the 6th day of Christmas AOL gave to me……
6 snerts annoying, 5 Chat Room brawls!!! 4 frozen screens, 3 Emails, 2 buddy
lists and unlimited hours with a flat fee.
On the 7th day of Christmas AOL gave to me……
7 hackers hacking, 6 snerts annoying, 5 Chat Room brawls!!! 4 frozen screens, 3
Emails, 2 buddy lists and unlimited hours with a more...

Q: How many alt. test readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One postmaster and 100 autoresponder mailbombs.

Q: How many alt. atheism readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw the bulb, one to prove that it exists anyway.

Q: How many AOL users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight. One screws in the lightbulb, but seven more do too, due to a software bug.

Q: How many AOL users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eleven. One to ask to be on the lightbulb gif mailing list, nine to say "ME TOO!", and another to post a message asking for the intructions on how to view a lightbulb.

Q: How many IRC chatters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They're so busy saying hello, goodbye, and kicking each other off that no one ever has enough time to get anything done!

Q: How many humor theorists does it take to submit a light bulb joke?
A: 300--one to more...

1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.

2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL" out loud.

3. You find yourself trying to cock your head 90 degrees when you smile.

4. You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other.

5. You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out".

6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

7. If you are male and see a female in the "Real" world that you wish to meet, your first thought is to IM her.

8. If you are female and you see a male in the "Real" world that you wish to meet, your first thought is that you wish he'd IM you.

9. You don't understand the humor in the above mentioned #7 and #8 since the "real" world is at your fingertips.

10. You have to get a 2nd phone line just so you can call Pizza Hut.

11. When you have sex, more...