Alright Jokes / Recent Jokes

This quiz is dedicated to all of those people who find themselves constantly roaming the net. Do you leave yourself logged in twenty-four hours a day, even when you’re not home? Is your wpm typing speed higher than your IQ? Are you having trouble seeing things at distances greater than 2 feet? Yes, YOU. You know who you are.
Ok… shall we begin? Yes? 5 points… (you could’ve backed out.)
Unless otherwise stated, point values are as follows: 2 for (a), 4 for (b), 6 for (c), and 10 for (d).

1) How many valid net addresses do you have?
Multiple machines at the same site do not count.
____Internet ____UUCP ____Other public access ____Other
____Bitnet ____Freenet ____Internet BBS ____All seven
(2 points each)

2) How many hours did it take for you to create your. sig?
a) Huh?
b) More than one
c) More than five
d) I’m still looking for a really funky quote

3) On an average working day, how many email more...

One day this man was gonna shoot his bee-bee gun, but first he had
to make a cake for his sons. Finally he was done, and the boys
came down to eat the cake. When they were done they went back
upstairs to play. Just before the father was about to go outside
the youngest son came down and said,"Dad, I'm pissing out bee-bees!"
The dad said,"That's alright." The son went back upstairs. The
middle son came down and again said I'm pisssing out bee-bees!
Again the dad replied, That's alright. Then the oldest son came
and the father said, "I know, I know, you're pissing out bee-bees."
No, I was playing with myself and shot the dog.

During USC's commencement, the President was giving his usual address to the graduating class. While he was giving his address, some people in the back began to chant, "Graduate Bubba, graduate Bubba." After a few minutes, the chant grew so loud that the President could no longer continue with his address. He says, "Alright, I give up. Bubba, come on up here." This really huge offensive lineman comes up on stage. The President asks, "Are you Bubba?" Bubba replies quietly, "Yes sir."
"How long have you been here at USC Bubba?"
"Six years sir."
"Six years and you still haven't graduated?"
"No sir."
"Alright Bubba, I'll tell you what. If you can answer one question correctly, I'll graduate you right here on the spot. Is that fair?"
Bubba once again says in his quiet voice, "Yes sir." So the President then asks him, "Ok Bubba, what's nine times nine?" Bubba more...

An accident claim for $ 100, 000. 00 came up before an high court, the defendent's lawyer got up and said " My lord, at the seane of the accident when the police officer asked the plaintiff how he is and the answer the plaintif gave in his own words were " I am alright ", now how can he claim such a colosal amount as damages from my client.
The plaintiffs lawyer got up and said " My lord let my client explain to your lordship in his own words how the accident happened" so the Judge instructed the plaintiff to narate the accident. The plaintiff said that when he was coming from his farm in his horse carriage, with his pet dog seated by his side, the vehicle driven by the defendent in high speed hit his horse carrige with such a force the carriage was thrown to a side and so were the horse, the dog and himself.
The accident was reported to the police and an officer came to investgate, the seane was in a mess and the police officer went near the horse more...

Once there was this hunter, out in the forest, hunting bears.

As the hunter approached a clearing in the forest, he saw a bear. One of the biggest bears he'd ever seen. So he crouches down behind a largish rock, takes careful aim with his shotgun, and fires. After the smoke clears, he runs down to the clearing, and the bear's body is gone!

He searches the clearing, but to no avail. Then there's a tap-tap-tap on his shoulder. The hunter looks around, and it's the bear! "You just tried to kill me, didn't you?". Says the bear."Uh, no. No I didn't". The hunter, taken aback by a talking bear, lies."Yes you did. Don't lie, or I'll rip your arms off" "Uh, yeah, yeah I did." "Alright", says, the bear, "I'll let you go if you do one thing for me." "What's that?", inquires the hunter. "Give me a head-job." "What??" "On your knees" So, the hunter obliges, and leaves the more...

The swing doors of the Wild West saloon crashed open and in came Little Pete, black with fury.
' Alright! ' he raged,' alright! who did it? what goldarned carmint painted my horse blue? '
And the huge figure of Black Jake, notorious gunfighter and town baddie, rose from a chair by the door.' It were me, shrimp,' he drawled, bunching his gigantic fists.' What about it? '
' Oh, well, er' stammered little Pete wretchedly,' all I wanted to say was. .... when are you going to give it another coat? '

Alright, so i'm about to go to the 6th grade but in the 5th grade i did something stupid.
Alright, so I recently got a really cool pen that gives you messages when you click it. Here is my story.
One day i brought the pen to school. During the spelling test I realized I couldn't find my pen! After the test I told the teacher about the pen. Everyone looked and we even spent most of recess looking. Some people looked in their desk or even cleaned their desk. Then I found it in my pocket!