Butcher Jokes

A butcher is very busy working at the meat counter when he notices a dog in his shop. He shoos him away, but the dog returns a while later. He walks over to the dog and sees that he has a note in his mouth. He takes the note and reads it, "Can I please have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb. The dog has money in his mouth as well."
The butcher looks in the dog's mouth and, sure enough, there's a ten dollar bill. He takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes.
The dog walks down the street and comes to a crossing. He puts the bag down, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him.
The dog then comes to a bus stop and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at more...

A butcher has a 36 inch waist around, and he's 5 feet tall. What does he weigh?
Answer: Meat

A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around hisneck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it'shis turn to be waited on. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchaseand noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and askedthe dog what it wanted today. The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said, "How many pounds?" The dog barked twice, so thebutcher made a package of two pounds ground beef. He then said,"Anything else?" The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butchersaid, "How many?" The dog barked four times, and the butcher made upa package of four pork chops. The dog walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could getat the purse and take out the appropriate amount of money beforetying the two packages of meat around the dog's neck. The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow thedog. The dog walked for several blocks more...

A woman walks into the butcher shop just before closing. She says, "Thank Heavens I've made it in time! Have you any turkey?" The butcher opens his fridge and takes out his only turkey, and plops it onto the scale. It weighs 4 1/2 pounds.

"Ah, haven't you anything bigger?" the woman inquires. The butcher returns the turkey to the fridge, takes it out again, and plops it onto the scale, only this time, he keeps his thumb on the turkey. The scale shows 7 1/4 pounds.

"Marvelous!" says the woman. "I'll have both of them please."

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him
away. Later, he notices the dog is back again.
He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher
takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please."
The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar
bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's
mouth.
The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up
shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes.
The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the
bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights
to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the more...