"Lust, Love or Marriage?" joke

For those of you who question whether you are in love, in lust, or really married, the following descriptions may help to clear things up.
Love - When intercourse is called - making love.
Lust - When intercourse is called - screwing.
Marriage - What's intercourse?
Love - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
Lust - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
Marriage - When you lose your child in a crowded room.
Love - When you share everything you own.
Lust - When you steal everything they own.
Marriage - When the bank owns everything.
Love - When it doesn't matter if you don't reach a climax.
Lust - When the relationship ends if you don't reach a climax.
Marriage - What's a climax?
Love - When you phone each other just to say Hi.
Lust - When you phone each other to choose a hotel room.
Marriage - When you phone each other to bitch.
Love - When you write poems about your partner.
Lust - When all you write is your phone number.
Marriage - When all your write is checks.
Love - When you show concern for your partner's feelings.
Lust - When you couldn't give a shit.
Marriage - When your only concern is what's on TV.
Love - When your farewell is "I love you, darling... "
Lust - When your farewell is "Same time next week?"
Marriage - When your farewell is a relief.
Love - When your heart flutters every time you see them.
Lust - When your groin twitches every time you see them.
Marriage - When your wallet empties every time you see them.
Love - When nobody else matters.
Lust - When nobody else knows.
Marriage - When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.
Love - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
Lust - When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
Marriage - When you listen to talk radio.
Love - When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
Lust - When staying together is something you try not to think about.
Marriage - When just getting through the day is your only thought.
Love - When you're only interested in doing things WITH your partner.
Lust - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
Marriage - When you're only interested in your golf score.

A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...

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Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction
on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they
would marry, he thought to more...

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A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...

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A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...

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Maori falla " Me miss!?"
English Teacher, "You! yes you?" "How many seconds are there in one minute?" Whole class puts their hands up. Miss! Miss! I know!
Maori falla " rrrrrrrr ummmmmmm rrr "60 Miss! 60 seconds in one minute more...

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