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  • Funny Jokes

    A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancee to his study for a drink.
    "So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.
    "I am a Torah scholar." he replies.
    "A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"
    "I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."
    "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.
    "I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."
    "And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"
    "Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiance.
    The conversation proceeds like more...

    Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street.
    "Oy, Abraham, I'm sorry to hear about that fire at your warehouse".
    "Ssh!" hisses the other, "It's not till next week".

    For those of you who question whether you are in love, in lust, or really married, the following descriptions may help to clear things up.
    Love - When intercourse is called - making love.
    Lust - When intercourse is called - screwing.
    Marriage - What's intercourse?
    Love - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
    Lust - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
    Marriage - When you lose your child in a crowded room.
    Love - When you share everything you own.
    Lust - When you steal everything they own.
    Marriage - When the bank owns everything.
    Love - When it doesn't matter if you don't reach a climax.
    Lust - When the relationship ends if you don't reach a climax.
    Marriage - What's a climax?
    Love - When you phone each other just to say Hi.
    Lust - When you phone each other to choose a hotel room.
    Marriage - When you phone each other to bitch.
    Love - When you write poems about your partner.
    Lust - When all you write is more...

    Actual bloopers found on church bulletin boards:
    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
    Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
    Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Taylors. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
    The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
    The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
    The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
    Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
    The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer more...

    A Polish guy is walking along the beach in France. There are many beautiful women lying in the sun, and he really wants to meet one. But try as he might, the women don't seem to be at all interested. Finally, as a last resort, he walks up to a French guy lying on the beach who is surrounded by adoring women." Excuse me," he says, taking the guy aside, "but I've been trying to meet one of those women for about an hour now, and I just can't seem to get anywhere with them. You're French. You know these women. What do they want?" "Maybe I can help a leetle beet," says the Frenchman. "What you do ees you go to zee store. You buy a leetle bikini sweeming suit. You walk up and down zee beach. You meet girl very qweekly zees way." "Wow! Thanks!" says the Polish guy, and off he goes to the store. He buys a skimpy red bathing suit, puts it on, and goes back to the beach. He parades up and down the beach but still has no luck with the ladies. So more...

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