"Gift Wrap" joke

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first
Christmas, when the Three Wise Men went to see the baby Jesus and,
according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold,
frankincense, and myrrh".

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we
discover an important theological fact; there is no mention of
wrapping paper.

If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so.

"And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the
paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And
Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him,
she saideth, "Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next
year! And Joseph did rolleth his eyes. And the baby Jesus was
more interested in the paper than, for example, the frankincense."

But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the
very first Christmas gifts were not wrapped. This is because the
people giving those gifts had two important characteristics
1. They were wise.
2. They were men.

Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point
of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off.

I attempt to wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor
skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the
size of a deck of cards and put it in the exact center of a piece
of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but
when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of
the gift peeking out.

If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the
lower half of the pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch
tape.

On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping
paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many
women, actually likes wrapping things, If she gives you a gift
that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which
to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.

My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills - like having
babies - that come more naturally to women than to men. That is
why today I am presenting gift-wrapping tips for men

* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when
the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it,
you can claim that it's myrrh.

* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how
to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with
an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of
food coloring and liquid starch. Think they've had way to many
Rum balls!

* If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper!
Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive
bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure
to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning.
Your wife: "Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?"
You: "It's a gift! See? It has a bow!"

In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you
give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very
special time of year, is that you save the receipt.