Wise Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Wise men talk because they have something to say, Fools talk because they have to say something.

    Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
    We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
    Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetraian more...

    Once upon a time there was a golden songbird that lived in a beautiful garden. It spent all its days singing the loveliest songs to the honour of its maker and the delight of all the people who heard it.
    But the keeper of the garden, who was a foolish and greedy man, coveted the little songster, and one day he made a cunning net in which he snared it. The little bird begged the man to release him and promised to tell him three great secrets if only he would let him go. Now the gardener really was a very greedy man and rubbing his hands together, he eagerly released the bird.
    Then the songbird told him it's three great secrets: Never believe all that you hear; Never regret what you have never lost, and never throw away that which you have in your keeping.
    The gardener was furious when he heard this and said he had known these so-called' secrets' since he was a little child and shouted that the bird had tricked him. But the songbird quietly replied that if the man had more...

    A woman repeated a bit of gossip about a neighbor. Within a few days the whole community knew the story.
    The person it concerned was deeply hurt and offended.
    Later the woman responsible for spreading the rumor learned that it was completely untrue.
    She was very sorry and went to a wise old sage to find out what she could do to repair the damage.
    "Go to the marketplace," he said, "and purchase a chicken, and have it killed. Then on your way home, pluck its feathers and drop them one by one along the road."
    Although surprised by this advice, the woman did what she was told.
    The next day the wise man said, "Now go and collect all those feathers you dropped yesterday and bring them back to me."
    The woman followed the same road, but to her dismay, the wind had blown the feathers all away. After searching for hours, she returned with only three in her hand.
    "You see," said the old sage, "it's easy to drop more...

    Do you know what would have happened if it had been three Wise
    Women instead of three Wise Men?

    Women would say:

    They would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver
    the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and brought
    practical gifts.


    Here's Men's rebuttal.....

    Yeah, and do you know what they said would have said when they
    left?

    "Did you see the sandals Mary was wearing with that gown?"

    "That baby doesn't look anything like Joseph!"

    "Can you believe they let all of those disgusting animals in the
    house?"

    "I heard that Joseph isn't even working right now!"

    "And that donkey that they are riding has seen better days too!"

    "Want to bet on how long it will take until you get your casserole
    dish back?"

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