"Confucius Says Jokes" joke

Confucius Says Jokes
Crowded elevator always smell different to midget.
Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs.
Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.
State of pregnancy exist when woman takes seriously something poked in fun.
He who buries a man's wife alive, should not expect to sit at that man's dinner table without the subject coming up.
He who plays with self, pulls boner.
Baseball all wrong -- man with four balls cannot walk.
House without toilet is uncanny.
Man trapped in brothel get jerked around.
Man's wife his better half, his mistress his better whole.
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on whole woman have more.
Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.
Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.
Man who lay woman on ground gets piece on earth.
Man who plays with self pulls boner.
Man who take sleeping pill and laxative on the same night will wake up in deep shit.
Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.
Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters in his own hands.
Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.
Man who suck woman's tit make clean breast of things.
Rape impossible: Woman fun faster with skirt up, than Man with pants down.
Man who walk in middle of road get run over by bus.
Wife not part of furniture, until screwed on bed.
Woman laid in tomb may soon become mummy.
Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.
Man who jizz in cash register come into money.
Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding bag.
Man who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.
Don't sweat the petty stuff. .. and don't pet the sweaty stuff.
Woman who wear jockstrap have make believe ballroom.
Woman who slides down banister makes monkey shine.
Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.
Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy.

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful blonde was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too more...


Your Mamma's so fat, when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!


Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!


A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...


Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!

Be first to comment!
remember me
follow replies
Funny Joke? 12 vote(s). 58% are positive. 0 comment(s).