"Confucius Says Jokes" joke

Confucius Says Jokes
Crowded elevator always smell different to midget.
Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs.
Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.
State of pregnancy exist when woman takes seriously something poked in fun.
He who buries a man's wife alive, should not expect to sit at that man's dinner table without the subject coming up.
He who plays with self, pulls boner.
Baseball all wrong -- man with four balls cannot walk.
House without toilet is uncanny.
Man trapped in brothel get jerked around.
Man's wife his better half, his mistress his better whole.
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on whole woman have more.
Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.
Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.
Man who lay woman on ground gets piece on earth.
Man who plays with self pulls boner.
Man who take sleeping pill and laxative on the same night will wake up in deep shit.
Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.
Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters in his own hands.
Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.
Man who suck woman's tit make clean breast of things.
Rape impossible: Woman fun faster with skirt up, than Man with pants down.
Man who walk in middle of road get run over by bus.
Wife not part of furniture, until screwed on bed.
Woman laid in tomb may soon become mummy.
Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.
Man who jizz in cash register come into money.
Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding bag.
Man who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.
Don't sweat the petty stuff. .. and don't pet the sweaty stuff.
Woman who wear jockstrap have make believe ballroom.
Woman who slides down banister makes monkey shine.
Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.
Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy.

What do these automobile acronyms actually mean?

Here goes….
AUDI: A Used Dodge Incognito
BMW: Bavarian Money Waster
BUICK: Big Ugly Idiot`s Cat Killer
CHEVROLET: Can Hear Every Valve Rattle, Oil Leaks Every Time
CHEVY: Cheapest Heap Ever more...

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One day the Lone Ranger and his companion Tonto were walking through the desert when Tonto suddenly stopped, bent down to the ground and said, - "Buffalo Come!"
And the Lone Ranger said, "How do you know Tonto?"
Tonto replied, - "Ear stuck to more...

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A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and more...

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At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, Ireland, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the more...

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101 Reasons why women prefer cucumbers to Men
1. The average cucumber is at least 6 inches long.
2. Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
3. Cucumbers won't tell you size doesn't count.
4. Cucumbers don't get too excited.
5. Cucumbers never suffer from performance more...

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