"And God Created A Sleeping Man" joke
A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon. The wife, being embarrassed by her husband's loud snoring, decided to bring a needle to the next service and poke him when he nodded off. The next week when they were in church, the husband, as always, fell asleep.
"Who created the earth in 6 days and rested on the 7th?" the preacher asked. The wife stuck her husband with the needle and he jumped up and exclaimed, "Oh, my God!" The preacher said "That's correct." And the husband sat down mumbling to himself. He soon fell asleep again.
The preacher got to the question, "Who died on the cross to save us from eternal damnation?" The wife stuck her husband again and he jumped up and exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!" The preacher said, "Right again." With this, the husband fell suspicious of his wife and decided to catch her in the act. The husband pretended to fall asleep while keeping an eye on his wife.
"What did Mary say to Joseph after Jesus was born?" the preacher asked. The wife started to poke her husband again, but before she could the husband jumped up and exclaimed, "If you stick that damn thing in me again, I'm gonna break it in half!"
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction
on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they
would marry, he thought to more...
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...
Maori falla " Me miss!?"
English Teacher, "You! yes you?" "How many seconds are there in one minute?" Whole class puts their hands up. Miss! Miss! I know!
Maori falla " rrrrrrrr ummmmmmm rrr "60 Miss! 60 seconds in one minute more...