Stuck Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Three guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator.
    While they are stuck, they strike up a conversation.
    The first guy says, "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know...
    Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."
    The second guy says, "I'm a D.I.N.K.Y., you know...
    Double Income, No Kids, Yet."
    The third guy says, "I'm a R.U.B, you know...
    Rich, Urban, Biker."
    They turn to the woman and ask her,
    " What are you? "
    She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you know...
    Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc

    A trucker driving along on the freeway notices a road sign in the distance that reads' Low Bridge Ahead.'Sure enough, the trucker gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.Finally, a police officer arrives at the scene. The cop gets out of his cruiser and walks around to the truck driver. He puts his hands on his hips and remarks, "Looks like you got stuck, huh?"The trucker replies sarcastically, "No, officer, actually I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas!"

    A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon. The wife, being embarrassed by her husband's loud snoring, decided to bring a needle to the next service and poke him when he nodded off. The next week when they were in church, the husband, as always, fell asleep.
    "Who created the earth in 6 days and rested on the 7th?" the preacher asked. The wife stuck her husband with the needle and he jumped up and exclaimed, "Oh, my God!" The preacher said "That's correct." And the husband sat down mumbling to himself. He soon fell asleep again.
    The preacher got to the question, "Who died on the cross to save us from eternal damnation?" The wife stuck her husband again and he jumped up and exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!" The preacher said, "Right again." With this, the husband fell suspicious of his wife and decided to catch her in the act. The husband pretended to fall more...

    This is the story of the night my ten-year-old cat, Rudy, got his head stuck in the garbage disposal. I knew at the time that the experience would be funny if the cat survived, so let me tell you right up front that he's fine. Getting him out wasn't easy, though, and the process included numerous home remedies, a plumber, two cops, an emergency overnight veterinary clinic, a case of mistaken identity, five hours of panic, and fifteen minutes of fame.

    My husband, Rich, and I had just returned from a vacation in the Cayman Islands, where I had been sick as a dog the whole time, trying to convince myself that if I had to feel lousy, it was better to do it in paradise. We had arrived home at 9 p.m., a day and a half later than we had planned because of airline problems. I still had illness-related vertigo, and because of the flight delays, had not been able to prepare the class I was supposed to teach at 8:40 the next morning. I sat down at my desk to think and around ten more...

    In most of the United States, there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop to single digits or below. About 3am one very cold morning, Trooper Allan Nixon #658 responded to a call there was a car off the shoulder of the road outside Shattuck. He located the car, stuck in deep snow, and with the engine still running. Pulling in behind the car with his emergency lights on, the Trooper walked to the driver's door to find an older man passed out behind the wheel with a nearly empty vodka bottle on the seat beside him.
    The driver came awake when the Trooper tapped on the window. Seeing the rotating lights in his rearview mirror, and the State Trooper standing next to his car, the man panicked. He jerked the gearshift into 'drive' and hit the gas. The car's speedometer was showing 20, 30, 40 and then 50 mph, but it was still stuck in the snow, wheels spinning.
    Trooper Nixon, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the more...

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