Youth Jokes / Recent Jokes
Ladies and gentlemen of the class of' 97: Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas
the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering
experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But
trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in
a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how
fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossedyour
worried mind, the kind that blindside you at more...
How do I know that my youth is all spent? Well, my get up and go has got up and went.But in spite of it all I am able to grinwhen I recall where my get up has been.Old age is golden-so I've heard it said-but sometimes I wonder when I get into bed, with my ears in a drawer and my teeth in a cup, my eyes on the table until I wake up.Ere sleep dims my eyes I say to myself,"Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?"And I'm happy to say as I close my door, my friends are the same, perhaps even more.When I was young, my slippers were red, I could pick up my heels right over my head.When I grew older, my slippers were blue, but still I could dance the whole night through.But now I am old, my slippers are black, I walk to the store and puff my way back.The reason I know my youth is all spent, my get up and go has got up and went.But I really don't mind when I think, with a grin, of all the grand places my get up has been.Since I have retired from life's competition, I more...
After the college boy delivered the pizza to Bud's trailer house, Bud asked, "What is the usual tip?" "Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great." "Is that so?" snorted Bud. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars." "Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund." "What are you studying?" asked Bud. The lad smiled and said, "Applied psychology."
A long-haired youth was hitchhiking through the deep South.He got a ride from a mean-looking redneck trucker. Afterriding about 30 miles in silence, the youth finally said,"Well, aren't you going to ask me?""Ask you what?"replied the trucker."If I'm a boy or a girl," answered the youth."Don't matter," replied the trucker. "Gonna fuck ya anyway."
Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs, and diamonds.