Wise Jokes / Recent Jokes

- Only in America can a pizza guy get to your door faster than an ambulance.
- Why do slow-down and slow-up mean the same thing?
- Why are wise man and wise guy opposites?
- Why is it that when stuff goes on a truck it's called a shipment and on a boat it's called cargo?
- Why do we drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?
- Why do we press harder on things when we know the batteries are dead?

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" mean the same thing as "slim chance"?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it call "after dark" when it is really "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" more...

Many authors are disputing who wrote the Shakespeare plays. They each say they did. In their arguing, they decide to try and prove who wrote it by first showing Shakespeare's work, then theirs.
Shakespeare version:
TITANIA to BOTTOM
Thou art as wise as thou art beautiful.
Jack London's version:
TITANIA to BOTTOM
You're as wise as the snowy owl and as beautiful as the clear night sky with fresh white snow under the Northern lights.
Dr. Seuss' version:
TITANIA to BOTTOM
You're as attractive as green eggs on a plate and the way you sing is fantastically great!
Homer's version:
TITANIA to BOTTOM
Be you as wise as Odysseus and as beautiful as fair Helen.
Guess who won.

The Moon and the Sun Two wise men were talking about the Moon and the Sun. They wanted to figure out which one was more valuable. Finally, they came to a conclusion: "We know that the moon has twice the value of the Sun because the Moon shines at night when everyone needs light, but the sun shines only during the day when no one needs it.

Okay so theres this kid, right? and for school he had to write a report on something so he wrote his on purple flowers. The next day, his teacher asks him what he wrote his report on and hes like, ”purple flowers” and she’s like, ” Thats horrible your expelled! ” so he comes home and his dads like, ”what did u get expelled for? ” and hes like” i wrote areport on purple flowers” and his dads like “oh my god you cant live here anymore” so anywho, he goes to this orphanage and stays there for a while until they’re like “what did u do to get kicked out, man? ” and hes like”i wrote a report on purple flowers” and theyre like” erg thats horrible you cant stay here” and so he goes to this hindu dude and hes like” go to hinduville and go see the wise one at the top of the hill” so he goes to see the wise one at the top of the hill in Hinduville and the wise ones like” you will find your answer at the bottom of the hill across the street” so he more...

Can you read the following? Yy u r yy u b I c u r yy 4 me. Too wise you are, too wise you be, I see you are too wise for me.

The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed. Joseph said, "Write that down, Mary; it's better than Clyde!"