Wise Jokes / Recent Jokes
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, aren't meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian more...
A Jewish man and a Chinese man were conversing. The Jewish man commented upon what a wise people the Chinese are. "Yes," replied the Chinese man, "Our culture is over 4, 000 years old. But, you Jews are a very wise people, too." The Jewish man replied, "Yes, our culture is over 5, 000 years old." The Chinese man was incredulous, "That's impossible," he replied. "Where did your people eat for a thousand years?"
Wise people think all they say; fools say all they think.
Let's face it: English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England or french fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet more...
Q: If Santa doesn't have to age, then why has he become old?
A: He only appears to be old. He's an undercover kid.
Q: How can a sleigh possibly fly through the air?
A: If you were being pulled by eight flying reindeer, wouldn't you fly too?
Q: Why do we wish people a "Merry Christmas" instead of a "Happy Christmas"?
A: The two are about the same, but with "Merry Christmas" an extra twinkle is seen in the eyes.
Q: Why is a Christmas tree that has been chopped down called a "live Christmas tree?"
A: It's dead but doesn't know it, and yet it's having the time of its life.
Q: Why do we wrap our Christmas gifts with paper?
A: Because we like to see surprise and joy (real or kindly faked) in the recipients.
Q: How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?
A: Nowadays, only four angels can dance there. Formerly there was no limit, but OSHA passed the Angel Safety Law recently, which also requires more...
You don't recall that line from It's A Wonderful Life saying, "Every time a cash register rings, a customer enjoys never-before year-end savings at Try-N-Save!" Your kid makes a fortune trading in "Elmo futures." Salad Shooter in hand, Michael Jordan shows up as the honorary "4th wise man" in new nativity scenes. The impossible-to-get "Tickle Me Jesus" Santa's Coyote/Ford-powered sleigh came in second in this year's Indy 500. Wise Men now arrive carrying Faux Gold, The Clapper and a Chia Pet. WWF presents "Oh, Holy Night" Cage Match pitting The Three Wise Men against Jumping Joseph, Manic Mary and the Dangerous Manger Boy! Santa goes to Yankees in blockbuster trade for the slightly heavier Cecil Fielder. Rudolph demands Holiday Pay or he walks. Santa's North Pole operation announces a corporate downsizing amidst rumors that the Elf Division will be sold off to Keebler. Reindeer rights purchase by Disney results in odd-sounding, more...