Vodka Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walks into a bar and asks for six shots of vodka. The bartender says, "Six shots?! What's wrong?" "I found out my older brother is gay," replied the man.
The next night, he walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of vodka. "What now?" asked the bartender. "I found out my younger brother is gay," replied the man.
The night after that, the man walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of vodka. "Jeez, does ANYBODY in your family like women?" asked the bartender. The man replied, "Yeah, my wife does."

AGE DRINK 17 beer 25 beer 35 vodka 48 double vodka 66 Maalox SEDUCTION LINE 17 My parents are away for the weekend. 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend. 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend. 48 My wife is away for the weekend. 66 My second wife is dead. FAVORITE SPORT 17 sex 25 sex 35 sex 48 sex 66 napping DRUG 17 pot 25 pot & alcohol 35 alcohol 48 power 66 scotch, a limousine, the company jet DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE 17 "tongue" 25 "breakfast" 35 "I didn't bump into her kids." 48 "She didn't set back my therapy." 66 "Got home alive." FAVORITE FEMALE PART 17 "All" 25 "Breasts" 35 "Breasts" 48 "Breasts" 66 "Small butt in a thong" FAVORITE ACT 17 "Anything we can get" 25 "Missionary" 35 "Oral" 48 "Oral" 66 "Oral" FAVORITE PLACE 17 "Any place" 25 "His bedroom" 35 "Any place her kids aren't" 48 more...

How do you know the Polish invented vodka? It takes a Pole to look at a potato and ask, "How do I drink this?"

Man goes to the bar and says "bartender, give me 7 shots of Vodka." The bartender says "Ok, but pal you are gonna hurt yourself with that." The man says "Just pour them." The man takes the first shot and the bartender says "Hey, you want to talk about it"? The man says "No!" and drinks the next 2 shots. The bartender says "Come on and tell me about it I've got a good ear, that's why a lot of people come here for, to tell their troubles." The man by then has finished the 7 shots and says "Ok, today was my first blowjob." The bartender says "Hey great, have another on the house." The man says "No, if 7 doesn't get the taste out, nothing will!"

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:


1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap more...

A man, forced to live in an Eskimo village, is having a great deal of trouble interacting with the villagers. Finally, he corners one of them and asks why they are ignoring him.
The villager says that he has not been initiated as a man, so he asks what it is he must do in order to be initiated.
"First, you must drink two bottles of Russian Vodka," explains the villager. "You must then enter a cave and kill a polar bear with your bare hands. Finally, to seal your induction into manhood, you must make love with one of our women for eight hours straight."
The man agrees to carry out the requirements.
That night the villagers hold a big party to initiate him. Everyone sits around the fire and they pass him the first bottle of vodka. He drinks the first half of the bottle without too much trouble, but finds the second half a little more difficult. Finally, he finishes it and they hand him the second bottle. Somehow he manages to finish the second bottle more...

When you know what Dostoyevsky`s favorite color was.
When you swear the arms on Gagarin`s statue move (see photo).
When you move to Budapest and think you`re in heaven.
When you start thinking of bread as a good mixer for vodka.
When you drink the brine from empty pickle jars.
When you start shopping for products by their country of production
When you go for a walk in the park, Baltika in hand, and its -8 and snowing.
When it doesn`t seem strange to pay a the GAI of $2. 25 for crossing the double line while making an illegal U-turn and $35 for a micro waved dish of frozen vegetables at a lousy restaurant.
When your coffee cups routinely smell like vodka.
When you start to "feel" public transport and bridge opening schedules.
When you know more than 60 Olga’s
When you give you business card to social acquaintances.
When you wear a wool hat in the sauna.
When you put the empty bottle of wine on the floor in a more...