U-turn Jokes / Recent Jokes

In the spirit of this new post-entertainment entertainment era, where the coverage of events and product ends up more enjoyable than what is actually being covered, NEW YORK OBSERVER critic Rex Reed on Oliver Stone's new one U-TURN:

' No amount of St. John's Wort will get you through U TURN. You need stronger stuff, since it's a movie so stupefyingly bad it seems to have been made by people stoned on Prozac and helium. Not so much directed as hallucinated by madman Oliver Stone, this lurid, violent and pretentious cross between BLUE VELVET and DUEL IN THE SUN is not as much fun as it sounds... The cinematography is ugly, the actors look embalmed (especially Nick Nolte, who resembles the head of a centipede), the writing is uniformly lousy. It seems to have been made by an idiot savant... Vultures circle overhead in every scene while it just lays there stinking... What U TURN is, really, is an unmitigated pile of crap -- and one of the worst non-movies ever made.' ---Rex Reed

On a narrow mountains road a man saw a police car driving uphill backwards.- Hi guys. Why are you driving backwards?- Because we are not sure that we will find the place to make u-turn on the top of the mountain. After one hour the same man saw the same police car driving downhill backwards again.- But guys, why are you driving backwards again?- We have found the place to make u-turn up there.

On a narrow mountain's road a man saw a police car driving uphill backwards. - Hi guys. Why are you driving backwards? - Because we are not sure that we will find the place to make u-turn on the top of the mountain. After one hour the same man saw the same police car driving downhill backwards again. - But guys, why are you driving backwards again? - We have found the place to make u-turn up there.

1. Before changing lanes you should:
A. signal.
(B) check for traffic.
(C) both a & b.
(D) just swing into the lane without doing either a or b.
2. The top light on a traffic signal is:
A. red.
(B) yellow.
(C) green.
(D) Who cares, it doesn't apply to me anyway.
3. The speed limit in a residential area is:
A. 35 MPH.
(B) 25 MPH.
(C) 45 MPH.
(D) I paid $65,000 for this car, I'll drive as fast as I want.
4. In California, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you should:
A. slow to a walking pace.
(B) go around the block.
(C) stop.
(D) speed up and honk your horn.
5. In the other 49 states, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you
should:
A. maintain your speed.
(B) slow a little.
(C) slow a lot.
(D) speed up and don't bother honking your horn.
6. Your may make a left turn from the right lane:
A. never.
(B) when there is a left turn arrow.
(C) on Sunday at 2 more...

On a narrow mountain road a man sees a police car driving uphill backwards.
- Hi guys. Why are you driving backwards?
- Because we are not sure that we will find a place to make a u-turn on the top of the mountain.
After one hour the same man sees the same police car driving downhill backwards again.
- But guys, why are you driving backwards again?
- We found a place to make a u-turn up there.