Backwards Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart. Conditions were perfect, 12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over. The "Tell me when we're having fun" kind of day.
    One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away.
    If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know That a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't help matters. So with time running out, she weighed her options.
    Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods. No one would ever notice, he assured her. The white will provide more than adequate camouflage. So she more...

    Whats Tulsa backwards? A slut
    Whats a slut backwards? A hundred bucks

    ACURA
    Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
    Asia's Curse Upon Rural America
    AMC
    All Makes Combined
    A Major Cost
    A Mutated Car
    A Morons Car
    Another Major Catastrophe
    AUDI
    Awfully Unsafe Designs Implemented
    Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
    Automobile Under Demonic Influence
    Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
    Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence
    Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc.
    BMW
    Big Money Works
    Bought My Wife
    Brutal Money Waster
    Break My Window
    Break My Windshield
    Babbling Mechanical Wench
    Beastly Monstrous Wonder
    Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels
    Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
    Barely Moving Wreck
    Big Money Waste
    Big Money. Why?
    Big Money Works
    Born Moderately Wealthy
    Breaks Most Wrenches
    Bring More Wrenches
    Brings Me Women
    Brings More Women
    Broken Money Waster
    Broke My Wallet
    Broken Monstrous Wonder
    Bumbling Mechanical more...

    What is a country song played backwards? Your wife gets back with you, your dog comes back to life, your carstarts, you get your job back and life is great.

    I'm hungry:

    "I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies."
    "I could eat the horse and chase the jockey."
    "So hungry I'd eat a shit sandwich, only I don't like bread."
    "I could eat the arse out of a rag doll through a cane chair."
    "So hungry I could eat the arse out of a low flying duck."

    I'm thirsty:

    "I'm dry as a dead dingo's donger."
    "I'm drier than a nuns nasty."
    "I'm dry as a f**k with no foreplay."
    "I'm as dry as a pommie's bath mat."
    "I'm as dry as a bulls bum going up a hill backwards."
    "I'm drier than an Arab's fart."

    I need to go for a pee:

    "Gonna drain me dragon."
    "My back teeth are floating."
    "Need to syphon the python."
    "Takin' the kids to the pool."
    "I got to take a snakes more...

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