Collar Jokes

Four people are in an airplane: the president, the smartest man in the world, an old man and a young girl. The plane catches on fire and there are only three parachutes. The president gets one and says, "My country needs me!" and jumps.
The smartest man in the world grabs one and says, "Well, the world needs me, since I'm so smart," and jumps. One parachute left and the old man says, "You take it, my life is almost over anyway." The little girl says, "No. We both can jump." Confused, the man asks, "How?" The little girl says, "The smartest man in the world took my backpack."
The Train Journey II "Four priests board a train for a long journey to a church council conference. Shortly into the trip one priest says, "Well, we've worked together for many years now, but we don't really know each other. I suggest we tell each other one of our sins to get better acquainted."
They look nervously at one more...

On coming home from a late night at the office, the partner at a presigious law firm discovered that his basement was flooded. He summoned a plumber. The plumber arrived soon afterward, with a spare set of overalls and a cap that said "Blue Collar Guy".
The lawyer, still dressed in his an expensive suit, silk tie, and gleaming wingtips, chuckled. "I like your hat," he said. "But you're the first plumber I've met who brought a change of clothes to a job." The plumber smiled.
The plumber went down into the basement, and the lawyer heard him working downstairs. Before too long, the plumber came back upstairs. "I'm almost done down there. I'm going to write up your bill, then I'm going to go out to my truck for a tool I need to finish up."
The plumber added, "The overalls and hat you asked me about, they're not for me. I'm looking for a new assistant, and I was hoping you might know somebody who wanted the job." The lawyer more...

Become a Redneck in 25 Easy Steps: A Manual for Yuppies
Are you a wealthy and successful suit-and-tie yuppie businessman who has always had a secret dream that you would one day become a redneck?
Have you always wanted to be a Bubba, but didn't know how?
Is there an inner Cletus inside that dapper and dignified image, just hollerin' to get out?
Well, now you can become the redneck you have always wanted to be!
Purchase the following: one pair of overalls, one pack of chewing tobacco and six cases of beer. That is all you will need to start!
Now follow the 25 easy guidelines in our manual!
Caution: These instructions MUST be followed in your BUSINESS OFFICE.
1) We assume you are a dignified, well-groomed yuppie executive; therefore, as you read this, it is also assumed you are wearing a pair of well-polished $800 Brooks Brothers black dress shoes and silk socks, a $2,000 pinstriped Armani business suit tailored for you, a $150 silk necktie with matching more...

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices
a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off
the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog
and cat.The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice
fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration."Thanks," the girl says.The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the
wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner" the
fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but
if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go
faster."The little girl replied, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a
siren."

there was a fireman out one day washin his truck. when he looked over in the yard next to him he seen a little boy in a red wagon. he had a rope tied to it and one end tied to a dogs collar and the other end to a cats balls. the fireman came up and said dont u think that if you tied that rope to the collar of the cat u could go a little faster he said yeah but then i wouldnt have a siren