Supplied Jokes

SEATTLE'S TURKEY DAY ETIQUETTE

It's been 145 years since the first white settlers landed at Alki Beach at Thanksgiving time, took one look at the overcast skies and the sodden, rain-soaked West Seattle terrain, and burst into tears.

(History, alas, doesn't record the response of the Native Americans when they spotted those tear-drenched settlers. But they probably were too polite to laugh out loud.)

In the intervening years, the first residents and the settlers have worked out the rules for Thanksgiving, Puget Sound style. Here they are, recently updated by an ad hoc Turkey Day committee:

DRESS CODE. Thanksgiving Day guests will arrive wearing Seattle tuxes: clean jeans, turtleneck sweaters and down jackets with weathered ski-lift tags. Hiking boots are optional.

CONVERSATION'S GAMBIT. Topics will include: 1) the election; 2) previous elections; and, 3) the next election. Several arguments will ensue before the host or hostess more...

1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole.2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe.3. The I.D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O.D. (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside.4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site.N.B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site.6. All pipe over 500ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe.7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2km) in length must have the words "long pipe" painted in the middle, so the Contractor more...

Company Softball Team is converted to a Chess Club.
Dr.Kevorkian is hired as an "Outplacement Coordinator".
Your best looking women in Marketing are suddenly very friendly with the dorky Personnel Manager.
The beer supplied by the Company at picnics is Schlitz.
Weekly yard/bake sale at Corporate Headquarters.
Company President now driving a Ford Escort.
Annual Company Holiday Bash moved from the Sheraton to the local Taco Bell.
Employee discount days at the local "Army & Navy Surplus Store" are discontinued.
Dental plan now consists of a Company supplied kit (String, pliers and 2 aspirin).
Your CEO has installed a dart board in his office marked with all existing departments in the Company.
Remember folks, "We're not Downsizing, we're Rightsizing!"

1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole. 2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe. 3. The I. D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O. D. (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside. 4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date. 5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site. N. B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site. 6. All pipe over 500ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe. 7. Pipe over 2 miles (3. 2km) in length must have the words "long pipe" painted in the middle, so the more...